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Adoption question?

Hi, I am currently pregnant. I have decided that the best thing would be to place my baby up for adoption because I am not able to care for it adequately and neither is the father. The only thing is the father refuses. I understand this baby is his as well BUT, he has 2 other kids who he doesn't support or interact with. He has problems with drugs and alcohol. He lives in a one room motel and is behind in his rent. He has no license, and has a violent crime on record along with drug charges. I recently broke up with him because he uses me and my money and I was sick of it. I feel like he is out of anger just trying to control me because I refuse to give him rides to work and from work and I won't give him money anymore. He hangs out with meth heads and other not so good people as well. Also he has only recently been able to keep a job for 6 months, usually within the last five years of us being together, he has had about 4 or 5 jobs that lasted anywhere from a week to two months. Is there anything that can be done, I know I can't provide for this precious baby right now and I need advice. Thank you.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2013 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • Well you are under no obligation to put him on the birth certificate, you have made poor choices and are doing the right thing by your child, you need to cut off all contact with him, meaning no phone calls, no nothing. You do not call him when you go in to labor, and as a matter of fact, if you consult with a private adoption att. they may pay for you to re-locate and start a fresh new life.
    I doubt he has the resources to come looking for you. You can also terminate his rights, call a att. and have them demand drug testing on him right now, I hope you make this work for the sake of you and your child.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:23 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • You do not have to list him as the father on the birth certificate. He can go to court and protest it (costs money) He can ask that you have a DNA test through the court. It could be a battle (cost lots of money) My guess is that he will continue to give you lip as long as he can but when push comes to shove he will not. Even if he does the court will not force you to keep the baby and he does not/ can not so the adoption will go through anyway. I would suggest that as soon as you can you leave the area and start fresh. You may not be able to do that right away but it would make your life easier in the long run. You are doing the right thing and you are making the right choice to leave him far behind.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:50 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • what ever you do, do this legally so that the CHILD is not placed with a family and ripped away by bio dad out of anger or just because he can. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 6:17 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Thanks, for the responses. And no I am not doing this out of anger I am doing this because I know that I can't provide and he knows he can't/won't either. He has always been manipulative and frankly I want this child to have the best it can, two parents who love it, can provide for it financially and emotionally are there for it. Quite frankly someone who abuses drugs and alcohol, doesn't provide emotionally or financially for their 2 other kids and can't hardly afford rent doesn't seem like they are able or willing to provide what a child needs. I am only 3 months, so if I see a significant change in him and his behavior then of course I would reconsider but as of now and for the past 5 years, it has been the same struggles with him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:20 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Luv did not say you were angry
    She said , do adoption legal so the father does not get angry and reverse the adoption

    Good luck
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:49 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • First of all, you have my utmost respect for choosing adoption. I support what luvmygrandgirl said 100%. He may not be willing/able to fight it now but what happens if yrs down the road he is in a better place financially and wants a child but is unable to have 1 due to his drug use? What if he decides that he has a child and since it wasn't done legally, he can just waltz in and take that child away?
    You are much better off having his rights terminated. The fact that he can't support the child and his record should make it fairly easy to do so.

    Good luck! HUGS!!!!
    tempsingl3mom

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 8:21 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Consult with an attorney. If "dad" hasn't changed in five years, he won't EVER. Pull together documentation of his problems.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:02 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • What's "best" for your child is an ethical adoption - where the Father is given due process.
    Please don't follow the advice to move to an adoption friendly state- cut him off and out. Do it the right way!

    No child (and father, family) should be subjected to adoption like in the case of Veronica Rose Brown. And many others where adoption pros used loopholes in law to bypass a Fathers right to his own child!
    If he's a looser like you say it won't be hard to prove. But he deserves the right to answer to your claims.
    And a right to parent his child (if fit to do so) BEFORE strangers.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 10:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Even if you do not list a biological father, he still has legal rights. The idea that you do not have to put someone on a birth certificate and somehow it makes the child eligible for adoption is odd. You still would have to legally terminate his parental rights by informed consent. A lawyer will walk you through the process legally and to no cost to you. I have found most biological fathers, when faced with legal options of either this is what you pay in child support or you can terminate your legal rights will generally be glad to terminate their legal rights if they are total assholes. So if he is an asshole and doesn't want to care for his kid then he may just sign over his rights.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Nov. 16, 2013

  • the dad has rights ais well. you can not get an adoption without both signutares. never give a baby up because there is help out there with alot of for. you will regret it
    christina122952

    Answer by christina122952 at 4:15 PM on Dec. 1, 2013

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