Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Family Mad About Moving Out of State

How do you deal with your family when they are mad at you for planning to move out of state? My husband is currently living out of state with his sister due to our separation. We are now in the process of working everything out. We are not at a stand still since it is hard to completely repair out relationship while living in two different states. We would only be moving 8-9 hours away. Our son and I have been living with my parents (the 3 of us were living there of a while which is a bit of the problem that cause the separation). We are planning to move up there by the end of March or early April. I just don't think I can handle the emotions that are coming from them for too much longer. The have always lived in the same city and they all live within 10 minutes of each other. I just can't take the guilty trips much longer. How do I get through this and deal?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Nov. 12, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would sit each of your family members down that are guilting you and talk about how when you got married you promised to love your husband in good times and bad. They you have been going through the bad part and are trying to fix the problems that you have together. That while you love them you have to put your marriage first right now to see if it is fixable. That you owe it to your children, your husband and yourself. That you don;t want to be apart from them, but you have to try and save your marriage. And that all of the guilt isn;t going to change your mind, but it will just hurt you and damage your relationship with them.

    Sometimes you just have to have a heart to heart. If that doesn't work and they keep up with the guilt, then leave sooner than planned.

    Good luck!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 6:53 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Maybe your DH wants you to move to another state where HE wants to live then divorce you there so you CAN'T leave with his SON! HMMMMM????
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 6:53 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Tell them that you are doing this to keep your family together and that they need to stop being selfish. That is ridiculous to me (maybe because my sister and I both don't have a choice and my parents never once tried to guilt us. Since I was 18 I have only lived in the same state as my parents for maybe 8 months total. My sister hasn't lived in the same state in over 10 years. I don't even live in the same country. My family respects that I live here I keep my family together and making me feel bad about it is only going to worsen my relationships with them.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 6:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • why doesnt your DH move back? its a lot easier to move one adult than moving one adult and one child. maybe your family is concerned that since your relationship is already on shaky ground that you are going to be in another state and without the emotional support system of your family. maybe they are worried about what Paulie mentioned.

    its hard for ppl who have never lived anywhere else to even consider the idea. they are trying to keep from "losing" you. 8-9 hours is a long distance when you're only use to 10 mins. my dad and his mom had a huge fall out over something like his (him being in the military it was kinda impossible for us not to move) and didnt reconcile till his dad died. not saying thats gonna happen, just dont burn any bridges with your family if this is the worst of your issues with them.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 7:28 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Why not wait, travel back and forth, him to you- you to him until you know for sure.
    Make him sign a paper that while visiting and if you get back together he will not take the children and file for sole custody.
    If he isn't willing to sign it then I would not go.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 8:40 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • I had the same situation when I got my new job. My mom had a hard time letting go because my dd and I were there everyday since birth. So eventually she knew it would be for the best because this is what I worked for. So my parents adjusted and you know what they love where I live. They are so proud of me and they will move on. Just let it roll off and don't argue and just move when you need to move. It is your life not theirs.
    libramoon007

    Answer by libramoon007 at 10:05 PM on Nov. 12, 2013

  • Just go...go get your husband back.
    IAmFreeToDance

    Answer by IAmFreeToDance at 11:28 PM on Jan. 2, 2014

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN