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After your married,

Do you feel its wrong to become friends with the opposite sex? My sisters getting hounded by a co workers wife because they became friends. They text, eat lunch together and hang out sometimes. She was rude to the wife and she was asking me what I thought because im married. I'm not sure what to say to her because my dh and I have mutual friends we've been together since I was a teen and my new friends have always been women only. My husband works in a factory with men only so his friends have been men. So I told her well it would be odd if my dh became friends with a woman because he never has for almost 11 years. I guess it just depends on the couple and for her to have issues she's either insecure or he has cheated before. I told her she doesn't have to be rude to the wife explain nothing's going on.

 
skinnyslokita

Asked by skinnyslokita at 9:08 AM on Nov. 13, 2013 in Relationships

Level 31 (49,833 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Having friends of the opposite sex is not the problem, it's how it's handled. And I'd guess that this guy either isn't handling this one right, or hasn't in the past. I will say that your sister didn't handle it well, either. Being rude to the wife doesn't say "your husband and I are just friends and you have nothing to worry about." It pretty much screams "I want him!" All she really needed to do was say, "There's nothing going on between us, and I'm sorry that you feel otherwise." and then make sure that nothing she does could be construed as inappropriate.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 9:29 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I have male coworker friends that I text, occasionally do lunch/dinner with, etc. Thing is, it's not excessive. We only text when something needs to be said (usually ends up being about work anyway). Never for hours on end, never at odd hours of the night, never behind my husband's back. If we do lunch or even dinner it's the same and usually because it's been a while since we've seen each other so we catch up on jobs, life, etc. My husband always knows who I'm with, where I am, and if he were to call I'd answer no matter who I'm with. Hell, he could even come if he wanted to. But it's never an issue. I believe the key to opposite sex friendships are knowing your boundaries, and NEVER EVER keeping ANYTHING about the friendship hidden from your spouse. If you so much as lie about the street you took to go meet your friend, it opens the door to a million reasons for your spouse to suspect somethings up.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 9:24 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I guess I'd wonder what the circumstances were around her and the wife communicating at all. If the wife has an issue with it, she should be taking it up with her HUSBAND, not his co-workers. It's probably not going to get any better if the wife is already overly jealous and sees your sister's defensiveness as an admission of guilt.

    In general, I don't see an issue with male and female co-workers being friends. If he's not trying to hide anything from his wife, she shouldn't have an issue with it either. If, however, his initial response was to lie about it, thinking she would freak out, he pretty much guaranteed she'd freak out.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 9:36 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • When you're taking up enough of the husband's time for the wife to resent it you're spening too much time with him. The wife should have sorted this out with her husband not with your sister. Your sister's behaviour probably confirmed the wife's darkest fears. Can't she put herself in other people's shoes for once?
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 9:40 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • Not at ALL! I have more male friends than female friends. Hubby doesn't have a problem with it. He's had more female friends at times, and I don't have a problem with it either.

    The problem for your sister is NOT that she's female. It's that she was RUDE to her friend's wife. For me and DH, rudeness to the spouse means dissolution of the friendship no matter whether male or female.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:55 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • My husband works with men and women. He is friends with most of them. He occasionally goes out to lunch and one or more will usually go with him. It is not a big. He has female friends from work that text him. Some about the weather and some about sport games or new opportunities. Some are all the way across the country and some a not far from where we live.
    Some men make it clear they are not trustworthy and some women would not place their trust in anyone.
    Each relationship is different.
    However If I were friends with a male coworker and found out that it was upsetting his wife, I would not go out to lunch with him or text him anything that was not strictly business. I would restrict myself because as a friend I would do nothing to harm his relationship with his wife.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:14 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I think it's a little odd. If my husband was texting, having lunch regularly and even hanging out with another woman on personal time, it would bother me. That's time we could be spending together.

    We've been married 25 years, and of course my husband has friends that are co-workers and female. Occasionally they may have lunch in a group at work, although as far as I know he's never just had lunch with them. I've never known him to have calls or text messages from them, and if they hang out after work, I've always been included.

    If it's something that makes the wife uncomfortable, your sister (and more importantly the husband) is in the wrong. Just don't mess with married men. The man should drop this friendship.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:14 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • My husband and I both have guy and gal friends. Most of them are mutual friends, but not all of them. I don't see a problem with it, as long as there is trust in the marriage. Some days I trust my husband more than others, but we've also made it perfectly clear from the beginning that infidelity is a deal breaker. Whoever is the one that gets cheated ON will be taking the kids, moving out, and filing for divorce.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:27 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • My husband and I have friends of the opposite sex. He has many female friends from before we were together and has some newer ones as well, many of them have become mutual friends but not always. I don't have a problem with it, but it is also not excessive I guess. I know nothing will happen and my husband is respectful of me and my feelings. I actually wish he had and spent more time with friends.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:53 AM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I am an engineer thus I am mostly around men so of course that is who I am friends with. Now I don't hang out with them much outside of work, but I don't hang out with my girl friends much either. I would have an issue if my DH had a female friend and she was rude to me. If I had an issue with the amount or type of time they were spending together I would discuss it with MY SPOUSE not the friend (male or female) and I would not expect the friend to get rude with me (male or female) about it. You disrespect the spouse your friendship with me becomes minimal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Nov. 13, 2013