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I am curious to know what you think about this little scenario.

My brother and his wife have 3 kids. Three kids that my parents (the grandparents) have practically raised bc my brother and his wife have always worked and my parents have been the primary caregivers (without pay--might I add). So just two days ago, my niece had a "Grandmothers Day" at school and neither my brother or sister invited my mother to attend but invited the OTHER GRANDMA who you practically have to set a calendar invite to see or take care of her grandchildren. My mothers feelings were hurt, and it pissed me off, bc it is JUST LIKE my brothers wife to do such a thing. It upsets me bc they take advantage of my mother (who is in no age to be caring for a child any longer) and then they don't acknowledge her and include her in such an event.

I come from a Mexican family and my brothers wife is Caucasian. The reason I mention this is bc there are A LOT of cultural differences in the way that families operate. While I am aware that not all families with interracial relationships have these same issues, it has been an issue in our family bc we feel that my brothers wife does not respect or care for our family and the values that my parents have instilled in us. She is very rude and disrespectful all the time. She never wants to partake in our holidays, parties, etc. We have tried to conform our ways to her over the years bc she plays the whole "your family doesn't like me" card with my brother which is simply NOT true. We have tried to accept her but when you are rude and disrespectful to someones family and culture, what is there to like. Enough is enough. It has been this way for the past 10 years and I am just tired of seeing my mother get hurt and do it all for the sake of being able to be a part of her grandchildren's lives. I think it is my mothers fault too for not addressing the issues but it is mostly my brothers for allowing his wife to disrespect his mother that way. What do y'all think about them excluding the grandma that actually takes care of their children?

Answer Question

Asked by Fidelita at 3:27 PM on Nov. 13, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 5 (90 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think that was so awful for them to do this to you mother I bet she was so upset but I do think she should tell them how it made her feel.

    Answer by nicenikki at 3:36 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • First, I am half Mexican and half caucasian, and I don't think the issues have anything to do with the cultural differences, although I know there are cultural differences.

    This issue has to do with exactly what you said. This particular daughter in law sounds like she's willing to take advantage of your mother, while excluding her from special events, and your brother is allowing it. I don't blame your brother for being hurt.

    I've seen these same issues occur within my caucasian family.....and within my Mexican family. None of them have to do with ethnicity, just with self centeredness, and thoughtlessness.

    I might gently let your brother know that your mom's feelings were hurt when she realized she was excluded from the Grandmother's Day at the school. That she feels close to the kids and wants to participate. I say gently because although I understand why you're upset, this is really between your brother and mother.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:38 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • That should say "I don't blame your mother for being hurt." not your brother.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:39 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I think it's shitty that they excluded her from the event. I think she needs to learn how to stand up for herself and to stop allowing them to use her that way if she does not feel she gets anything out of it.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I think it is wrong but it is also none of your business. That is between them.

    Answer by Dardenella at 4:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • You do know that you can't end a sentence with a preposition, right?

    Answer by Crafty26 at 4:57 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

  • I think this is none of your business & your Mom should speak up for herself if she is hurt in any way. I think you don't like your brothers wife because she isn't the same nationality as you. He loves her so MYOB.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 5:18 PM on Nov. 13, 2013

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