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Not sure if I should be IN or OUT!

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years now, 7 years ago we decided that we wanted to start a family by having a daughter. 3 Years ago we find out that he had a 7 year old daugter with his prior relationship he claims, not sure if it was before or in the beginning of our relationship :(.... Once contacted by ex, my husband did not allow me to contact her and said that there was no way and he didn't want apart of it. His mom contacted the ex, she told him and we had a due it your self DNA test. It states that he is the father. From the very beginning he has handled this as if we were not married and that it only affected him not that it affected all 3 of us. At this time he still acts as though its only him which has made me resent the whole situation and not want to have any part in it. I have lived with this for the past 3 years. He aso puts his child in front of our child. Should I stay or should I go?

Answer Question
 
INorOUT

Asked by INorOUT at 11:18 AM on Nov. 14, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Puts his child in front or "our" child how?

    You said he didn't want to have any part of it. To me that means he is required to pay child support. and he does nothing else.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:55 AM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • He wants to go and do when she is at the house, but not when she is not. Meaning he did not want to pursue it at all because it had been 7 years and she claimed there was no way it was his in the beginning.
    INorOUT

    Comment by INorOUT (original poster) at 12:00 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • What's "go and do"? I'd love to give you my input but I can't quite figure out what you're saying. Sorry
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:05 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • Go and do meaning he wants to sit at the house when shes not there. He wants to do things with her and not when shes not there. Makes it a point to try and impress her and the ex. Kind of like trying to prove himself.
    INorOUT

    Comment by INorOUT (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • How often is the child around? I mean, if you're talking occasionally, then I dont think its a big issue for him to be giving her all his attention when she is there. That doesnt mean he's putting her ahead of your child. Just dividing his time. If this child is his, then he has every right, no less responsibility, to be a part of her life. Even if you were married when she was conceived, does that mean the CHILD should lose out on her father? No. The GROWN ADULT who made the choices should lose out on his wife. But you sound bitter against an innocent child because maybe she doesn't fit in to what you wanted in a family. Thats not her fault, its his and her mothers.

    Which brings up another point, is your animosity really directed at the girl, or your DH, or is it really with the other woman who has now found a permanent place in your DH's life. Maybe you're not comfortable with that.
    toughluck08

    Answer by toughluck08 at 12:55 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • The fact that you ask the question means you are already OUT and are merely looking for justification. If you need justification, then you don't believe that being OUT is the right answer and you want someone to tell you otherwise.

    Instead you all should be IN to marriage counseling. If your husband refuses, THAT and that alone is the justification you need to be OUT. You need no validation from others, especially not others on the internet.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:14 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

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