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Female cattiness in 6 year olds

I need some good advice. Today my daughter came home in tears, again, that her former best friend was being a little bitch again (my words, not hers). Every friend my daughter makes this former best friend has to take away from my daughter.

It started this past summer with the girl, "June", running her mouth to neighbor kids about how much she didn't like my daughter, trying to impress the neighbors. Since school started, June has kicked my daughter, pushed her around on the playground, and excludes my daughter from things every chance she gets.

Today, June started running her mouth about my daughter to someone else at recess. Thankfully, and the next recess that someone else came to my daughter and told her what June had been saying. Those comments my daughter couldn't repeat clearly enough for me to understand, but they were hurtful in nature. Then, on the walk home June intentionally refused to allow my daughter to walk home with someone because June was walking with said kid.

I've talked to June's parents and they yell at her to knock it off, but it's continuing. I've sent an email to both teachers (thankfully the girls are in different classes) asking that the girls be kept separate as much as possible.

Where do I go from here, and what can I do? Since June's behaviors are escalating do I ask for a meeting with the principal? Do I have the other parents, (not as) good friends of ours involved?

I know what I want to do: talk to the parents. But that isn't changing anything.

I thought this kind of bullshit wasn't supposed to happen until middle school? My daughter, and June, are SIX!


Asked by Rosehawk at 7:52 PM on Nov. 14, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (9)
  • I know you posted about the same girl the other night. You've GOT to remember, they are six years old. I'm tellin ya girl, it only gets worse. You've got to uninvolve yourself. Let your daughter vent, but that's as far as you go unless your daughter is being physically harmed. Girls are bad.... Don't your remember this from your school days? Watch Mean Girls.... it's exactly like that.

    I still am shocked that you would refer to a six year old child as a "bitch" though. That's just wrong on all levels...


    Answer by m-avi at 7:56 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • Is this the same child you wanted to physically assault previously?

    Answer by NotPanicking at 8:25 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • I still am shocked that you would refer to a six year old child as a "bitch" though. That's just wrong on all levels...

    I so agree!
    And, if any parent ever talked about one of my girls, the way you do this one, I'd lose my shit & it wouldn't be pretty.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:59 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • I suggest you focus on what messages you want your daughter to absorb, and think about your responses accordingly. When she finds out that someone else was talking about her on the playground (expressing their dislike of her to other children), what response from her would you desire? (Getting upset, feeling like she needs to find a way to make the girl stop, shrugging it off, etc.)

    When she complains to you, how do you think your reaction & responses influence her, and what messages might your responses send about the situation? What assumptions might you be reinforcing in her?

    The way we respond (directly) to kids' emotional communication can send the message or reinforce the assumption that they are victims or need rescue.

    I'm not suggesting that you "ignore" anything, but that you focus on your role, and what you're contributing to things. If you want her to be more resilient, what might support that or undermine that?

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:57 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Tell your daughter to smile at June, and say Yes you are right. no matter what she says, this will show "June' she can't get a reaction out of her.
    Now for the physical stuff, what was done? In our school if you put your hands on another child, your parents get a phone call, and you get suspended for the day, next time 3 days, next time it is a huge deal that everyone must have a conference over.
    6 year olds don't have long attention spans, so if your kid just ignores her or smiles sweetly, she should move on to her next target. I am guessing that if she continues there will be some kind of punishment involved.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:31 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • " Let your daughter vent, but that's as far as you go unless your daughter is being physically harmed."

    Because bullying is okay as long as it's not physical...

    I'd definitely want the school to show that it's doing something to limit this other child's ability to torment your daughter. I'm sorry, love <3

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 9:05 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • Oh, and don't involve other parents, this will make you look like you are ganging up on a 6 year old.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:32 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • I talked to the principal this morning. She's going to start talking to the girls, individually and together, to try and stop this. The only other parents I've involved in this are June's parents, to try and get them to control their child. It hasn't worked all that well.

    I've had dealings with this principal before. I trust her to try and sort this out before June gets too much worse.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 12:37 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Rose, I understand how you feel. Some kids are just mean from the get-go because their parents don't curb that behavior. I'm assuming that when you called her a "little bitch" it was in your own mind, and you are entitled to your own thoughts. Everybody is. No guilt and no judgment for that from me. I hope the principal manages to work this out, because it is in June's best interest that somebody puts her attitude in check now while she's small, before it gets worse. I also agree with teaching your daughter to laugh it off, though, because she'll need to learn resilience. There are a lot of mean people out there, and a thick skin goes a long way in this world. So does a quick wit. As she gets older, teach her that a smart ass comeback will often be her best defense against a bully.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:26 PM on Nov. 16, 2013