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My 21 year old has problems seeing our point of view regarding going out every second or third night until 2 am.

After high school she left home to live with a friend. 3years of casual work and some school she decided to come home and we were very happy. Then our older daughter chipped in and took her to guide her. She did not make it for even 2 months there due to disagreement with a lot of things. she answers back like she has a lot of experience about everything.She is back home and we are setting up for her to go to school. She will start in Spring. but wants to hang out with friends.She puts on make up for a long time. I am worried about her behavior . She is very confrontational. What to do?


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worryiedmom

Asked by worryiedmom at 8:05 PM on Nov. 14, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • She's 21 she needs to be an immature kid til she starts school. Let her get her partying out of her system! As a mother I understand worring for out babies but until an if it affects her schooling I wouldn't say anything. Good luck
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 8:10 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • Your house, your rules. If you are paying for school she needs to abide by them, or she can live her life on her own dime.
    Going out bar hopping every night costs money.- who is financing that?
    As far as the makeup- get over it. Everyone is entitled to feel beautiful.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 8:15 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • What Anne said....
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 8:28 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • The make-up doesn't bother me, but I agree your house your rules.

    My husband and I don't like the boys to be out that late because that's when all the drunks are on the road (bars close at 2 here). Now we know they're going to be every now and then, but not on a regular basis. Plus, we get up early in the morning. I can't sleep worrying until I know they're home safely. Week nights we expect them home by 12:30 even though they're over 21, weekends we don't have a curfew, but we do expect them to be considerate and let us know if they're going to be really late so we don't worry.

    You're not really an adult with total freedom until you pay your own bills and support yourself. Actually, you never have total freedom, there will be rules to follow for the rest of your life....it's your home, you have the right to make the rules. She doesn't have to like them, but she needs to respect them and follow them.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:29 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • She is living in your house and with your support. But she is also an adult. You two need to reach a compromise that respects your home and her need for independence.
    May-20

    Answer by May-20 at 8:44 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • ummm she's 21... don't expect her to be like a 16 year old.
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:22 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • She may follow your rules (which you make very clear) or she moves out and supports herself. Those are her only two choices.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:25 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • You house, your rules. Doesn't matter if she's 21, if her staying out so late so often disrupts your household, you have a right to ask her to be more respectful of the other members of the household, or move out. See, for me that wouldn't work out well because I have to be at work by 7, and dh gets up and leaves the house even earlier than I do.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 10:33 PM on Nov. 14, 2013

  • She is 21, a grown adult. I would tell her to go get a job. If she want to go to school. And stay at your house. She needs to start acting like an adult.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:10 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • She's been out on her own -and still has no appreciation for the 'fridge that magically gets filled?
    The laundry that gets done by the maid? Ugh!
    Sorry momma. We had the same problem. dd decided we were too strict and she went gypsy on us and moved to the BVI for about a year. She came home, because even in paradise, you have to work. Lol
    She missed how good she had it here even WITH the house rules.
    She had a new and sincere appreciation of running a household. She kept telling me I don't know How you do it mom. Thank you!
    It'll come for your dd. soon I hope.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 10:49 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

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