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What more can I do before I give up and walk away?

Im currently almost 7 mos pregnant w/ a guy who has a seven year old son. I myself have a four year old son & the boys hardly get along. I think it has to do w/ the fact My boyfriends son lives in a nearby city & we get him every weekend, so I think the BF's son get jealous that my son is around his dad more than he is. Makes sense, BUT, I don't think his pouting & lack of respect is necessary. My son, NOR MYSELF can give my bf any attention, (hugs, tickles, or even high fives) w/o his son getting upset & pouting. (Arms crossed mid-chest, bottom lip out, creased faced.) & Here's the BIGGEST problem I have with it.. I don't mind him throwing a fit, I can ignore it, tell him to go into another room until he gets over it, & move on, BUT my bf will tickle, play & give positive attention to cheer him up. I think that horrible parenting. Hes feeding into his sons cry for attention. its caused arguments, im ready 2walk away & give up

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Paeje

Asked by Paeje at 11:55 AM on Nov. 15, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Walk away PLEASE. You sound like a horrible step-parent. The father is actually being a "father" to his son and you are jealous? Please leave them all... they will be so much better without you.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:57 AM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • The poor kid is only 7 years old. Practically still a baby. He expresses how he feels. Telling him to go to another room is not a good idea. He feels abandoned. I think you should either leave or go to the Library & get books out on being a step Mom. Put yourself in his position. How would your Son feel if that was him? Imagine that.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:05 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • okay, so here's more details into this situation... my son is four, I don't allow him to pout, nor does my bf, if my son acts out, my bf will not allow it, he will send my son to another room until he gets over it, so why is it not okay for my 4year old, yet its okay for his 7 year old. he puts my son in time outs for doing wrong, but tells his son to "knock it off", "don't do it again", basically just warns him. I treat both boys the same, and when my step son is around JUST ME, hes fine, listens does not argue and does not pout, but as soon as his dad comes around, he refuses to listen, and ir flat out rude to me. I believe in punishment & praise. when they are good, they get rewarded, chuck e cheese, ice cream, toys, when they are not, they don't get any special treatment. EX: my 7year old lied to me and got caught for lying, his dad told him we were not taking him to chuckee cheese for lying, step son pouts, (fine I would
    Paeje

    Comment by Paeje (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • He is 7 for Pete's sake! Of course, he wants HIS father's attention. Positive attention is GREAT for him to build a meaningful relationship with his father, and he only gets to see his dad on the weekends, so he does need special bonding time with just his father. All children need to feel important and cared for by their parents. Being punished for getting upset over the whole attention/affection situation will only make him resent you, your son, and the new baby more.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 12:16 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • ... too) but instead of sticking to his word, we got in the car and headed to chuckee cheese. Another example, his step son got upset at my son bcus my son told him he got a candy, (I got one for my step son too) just hadn't given it to him YET, so my step son, yells at my son to SHUT UP and starts pouting. no need to. if he would have waited 2 seconds until I walked up, he would have gotten his. but because he yelled at my son, I refused to give it to him. Then my BF fights with me because I wouldn't give the candy to his son. I don't think he should yell at some one and get rewared.. Am I wrong for that?
    Paeje

    Comment by Paeje (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Well, it sounds like you two really need to sit down and discuss discipline and reward systems, so you are providing a consistent and united fronts for all kids.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 12:25 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Well you still got pregnant with his baby, I guess that the kid is reacting to you because he can tell you don't like him.
    I would suggest counseling for the 2 of you and some parenting classes as well. It is evident that your boyfriend doesn't feel like your son is his own, and this would have been good to realize before you made a baby with him.
    Please seek the counseling, if there is any hope for you all to work this out as a family. Where is your son's father?
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:38 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • @ 2kids2dogs2cats- Allow me to defend myself- its NOT that "I don't like my step son," that's not the case at all, I love the kid and have done sooo much for him. Im the one who picks him up every weekend. I have to drive over an hour to get him, im always looking for things to do for the boy to have fun, camping, zoo, beaches, going to the movies ect. I DONT LIKE HOW MY BOYFRIEND ALLOWS HIS SON TO GET HIS WAY. there is no punishment. Hes spoiled and gets everything he wants when ever good or bad behavior. So in return, my step son KNOWS he can pout and get whatever he wants still. that's what I don't like. I wasn't raised like that nor was my bf, and my bf never used to let him get away with acting like this. its only gotten significantly worse in the last 3months. Ive been with my bf and around his kids for 3 years, its never been like this so im not sure how to deal. but my step son isn't like this with just me, hes like
    Paeje

    Comment by Paeje (original poster) at 12:58 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • ... this with his real sister too. we only get her once every blue moon ( 3 times a year), and if her and daddy are bonding, or shes standing close to him, my step son will push her away and get between them. shes 11 & then her feelings get hurt since she never sees us. I just don't know how to get it through my boyfriends head that hes enabling his son to walk all over him. he admitted 2 weeks ago, he would rather be his sons friend than the bad parent... what good can come from that?
    Paeje

    Comment by Paeje (original poster) at 1:01 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • You have no reason to defend yourself, I only took from how you made it sound in your post. It doesn't negate the fact that you all have some serious issues on the proper way to parent. So why not try some counseling and some parenting classes to see if it can be worked out. The problem is bigger than how your stepson is acting, but you might need a professional to help your boyfriend realize, and understand how to parent better to all of your kids? It isn't criminal to get professional help, but it is a dis-service to your kid and his to not get this worked out, and just leave over something that does have a solution. If you share custody of this child with him, your new baby will be spoiled as well, so why not get on the same page?
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 1:05 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

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