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When my 6 years old don't get what he asking for he start to kick a door or a wall how to do to stop what he is doing?

He argue a lot he said if you don't give me I will stay her and I will do a mess or something like that

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Disipline

Asked by Disipline at 9:23 PM on Nov. 15, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • This has been going on for six years now? How the hell do you still have a house?
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:30 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Perhaps if you would learn to speak properly he would understand you when you tell him to stop!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • After 6 years of no discipline I am certain you are up a creek with out a paddle. I have no advice except take everything away from him except his bed and let him have his tantrum until he realizes you are serious but of course I am not even sure that will work.
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 9:58 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • That is leverage. He is trying to control things in order to force the outcome he wants.
    He probably is familiar with the use of leverage & with feeling controlled, forced. Children can end up feeling pretty powerless, and frequently feel controlled by people with more power. He probably has learned this is how people relate to each other in conflict, and tries it himself to make things go his way.

    So, recognize that this is what's happening.
    He's trying to make things go his way.
    Show some understanding for these feelings.
    Let him know that you realize he's upset, understandably so (because you are refusing to give him whatever it is he wants), and that you are going to keep him & everyone else safe. Use your judgment about whether you need to hold onto him to prevent damage to your possessions (holding him protectively until he has stopped struggling), or whether focusing on acknowledging his strong feelings is sufficient.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:04 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • tell him that's fine, but then he will be cleaning up the mess he creates and will lose tv or whatever.

    and that threats are not going to get him what he wants
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:07 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • When he argues, offer acknowledgment for how upset he is, how he doesn't like what is happening, how he's angry about your decisions. When he argues, or says that he will retaliate in some way (make a big mess, destroy things) if you don't agree to do what he wants, do NOT escalate things by applying leverage of your own to try to control him. (Saying that you won't let him make the mess, or he will get big consequences if he does, etc.) When you do this, trying to "win" through force, you are modeling the precise behavior you're reacting to in him!

    Instead of reacting to his threat (remember, he's just trying to find the magic words to apply force & make things go his way), acknowledge how much he really wants what he's asking for, and how upset he is that you're refusing. Care about that! You don't have to change your mind, just show that being upset makes sense & you can accept that!
    This models "using words."
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:11 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Maybe it is time to spank him.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:45 PM on Nov. 15, 2013

  • Yeah Dard violence is always the answer
    Crafty26

    Answer by Crafty26 at 12:15 AM on Nov. 16, 2013

  • A good swat to a well padded bottom does little more than startle the out of the behavior.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:37 AM on Nov. 16, 2013

  • I disagree with swatting or hitting or any verbal abuse. That's just reinforcing the anger behind his bad behavior and teaching him hitting is an option. I am curious about the answer to the question has this been going on for six years or just starting? Does dad (or any adult) get angry and kick doors and walls. Perhaps he's seeing it on tv. Somehow, he's learning the behavior. I'd start with time out. 1 minute for each year of age (6 min total) then talk to him about what he did to deserve the time out. If he did kick the wall/door and make a mark or dent, make him fix it. It will teach him how to fix things as well as destroy them. If he makes a mess, remind him that if he does then he gets to clean it up. We have to teach children consequences of bad behavior ....without hitting them! Be firm in your tone when speaking to him. Let him know it's his choice. He can be a kid and have fun or he can work to clean his messes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:35 AM on Nov. 16, 2013

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