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Am I dumbest person ever?

So I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and I just don't know what's the point anymore. We had a big fight in June and I stopped saying I love you for a short while. Well when I did say it again.....he didn't say it back. Well he still hasn't said it. I don't say it anymore either. One time he said that I think I'm the shit...this was back in like march or april and he stopped ever complimenting me. I mean NEVER. He never says I'm pretty or that I look nice....nothing. well recently, he makes up excuses to not have sex with me anymore. We are together all the time (we don't live together), so he chooses to be with me but FOR WHAT? I feel so sad and neglected. There is zero romance.....its like were friends who don't date anyone else and occasionally have sex. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Nov. 17, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Yes. My husband and I will be married 25 years in December. It's normal for the relationship to lose some of its luster after awhile. What you see in movies and Hollywood doesn't last. Relationships take alot of tender loving care and hard work.

    Answer by zboys at 1:57 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • Then why are you still together? I am not saying relationships have to be all sunshine and roses for them to work, but you should both respect each other and try to make the other person feel wanted/needed. I think it is just time to cut your loses and move the hell on!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:16 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • If you are not married I would simply look elsewhere. If you think it is worth saving and he does as when go to couples counseling ans stop sleeping with him until the problems are sorted out. This is not the time for an ooops/

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:32 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • It's over ... for both of you. Time to move on. If you're like this after only a year it's a relationship that has run its course.

    Answer by goldpandora at 5:28 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • Been married 24 years now. If I freaked out because my DH didn't tell me I looked nice/pritty. And he didn't say I love you daily. We would have been divoced a long time ago. And sex daily is never going to happen, on my part. But we do have sex at leat 3 time a week. Good enough for me.
    If you are really having a problem with the way he is treating you, you need to tell him. And if you can not deal with it. Move on. find some one else.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:22 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • Are you living the fairy tale? Picturing your dream wedding to this man? Named your future children?
    If not, move on. It's over.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:19 AM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • I wouldn't say you are the dumbest person ever. I just think the relationship is over and that you both need to realize that and move on. It's not fair to either one of you to continue this way unless you think there is a chance. I agree that relationships aren't always sunshine and roses but it's gotta be better than what you have right now.

    When was the last time you complimented him? Have you told him lately that you think he is good looking?

    I think you need to have a heart to heart chat with him. Ask him why he is with you. Ask him where he sees himself in 5 yrs. Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 12:40 PM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • Move on. The relationship's been dead since June but you haven't realized it. No, it doesn't make you dumb.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:16 PM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • Ask him how he feels. Point out that you realize that you spend time together which shows effort to BE together, so you recognize that it does seem like he's choosing to be with you, but you are wondering about it--for what?
    Some of what you describe could reflect a withdrawal, holding back as a result of hurt feelings around whatever happened in June, feeling threatened by your withdrawal after that, and uncomfortable about FEELING that vulnerable, thus just not "going there" again, or not wanting to be the vulnerable one.
    Tell him your impressions (that it seems to you like he is not wanting to have sex, frequently makes an excuse) and this makes you think he doesn't want to, but you know you should check in with him about what is going on not just make assumptions based on how it seems to you.
    Own your feelings & perceptions, but broach the subject & just ask how HE'S feeling about this relationship, because you're bummed!

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:37 PM on Nov. 17, 2013

  • No, it's not normal for a relationship of one year if it's meant to last. It sounds like you've hit the preverbal wall where it's either time to bring things to the next level of commitment - or break up and move on. Sounds like you guys are ready to move on.

    Answer by KarenT214 at 11:01 PM on Nov. 17, 2013

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