Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Found out on Friday that I'm pregnant.

Thursday morning, I woke up with tender nipples. This was the first indicator that I was pregnant with my daughter, so I went and bought some tests....sure enough, I'm pregnant. My daughter is 5 and I am no longer with her father. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and things are less than stellar between us. I have always been against abortion, but at this moment, I'm actually considering it. I"m 35 years old, a single mother, and I don't think I could do it with another child. I don't live with my boyfriend and I am terrified of what the future may hold if I choose to have this baby. My daughter must be my first priority. I am also very high risk, so the pregnancy in itself will be very difficult, both mentally and physically. I am also thinking about how i will probably never have an opportunity to have another child and this child IS my daughter's little brother or sister. I"m having an internal battle right now and I don't know what to do. Please do not judge me as I have been beating myself up since I found out. FYI: I was on the pill (reclipsen), but had just stopped it due to repetitive intense migraines.....the timing was just .....perfect I guess. :( Has anyone been in a simliar situation or have any advice to offer? Please be kind...I'm so torn.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Nov. 18, 2013 in Pregnancy

Answers (14)
  • If you're torn then abortion is not the solution for you. Abortion is for when you are absolutely sure that you are doing the right thing. I think that before you decide one way or another you need to discuss this with your bf. Have you told anyone yet? Family? Friends? Also, I don't mean to pry, but what kind of high risks are you looking at?

    Answer by goldpandora at 8:53 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • I had a preterm birth some years ago. With my last pregnancy, I had to have weekly transvaginal ultrasounds and 17P injections and was on bed rest for 6 weeks. I also ended up having to have an emergency c-section, because after 23 hours of labor and 3 additional hours of pushing, she would not descend into the birth canal. They told me that I would never have a vaginal birth which also makes my recovery time longer and more difficult.

    I know. My friend is coming at me with "What will do when xxxx" and "who will help with xxxxx" and she's making me feel like having this baby would completely ruin my life. I'm just so heartbroken. Why did I put myself in a situation where I have to make such a heartwrenching decision??? i hate myself right now.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:00 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • Caring for another child when you already have one is easier then becoming a first time Mom. Especially since your Daughter is 5 & is probably in school. So during the day you'll just have the baby with you. I'd say for you the timing is perfect. Life will be just like when you had your first. Even if you don't want to continue this relationship with your boyfriend he still is required to assist you financially with this child. Like you said, this may be your last hurrah! So tell your nosey friend to mind her own business. Life goes on, things work out. I would have the baby & feel blessed. I am talking from experience in more ways then I'd like to say here. You are not a teenager, have the baby :)

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:09 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • BTW, I had my "surprise" at 44! :) I feel blessed to have her.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:10 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • Thanks's nice to hear something positive. My friend is drowning me in negative.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:12 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • I can't tell you the best thing for your future. I know you are probably feeling panicked right now and feel like you need to decide what route to go. Just slow it down a little and don't make a major decision in haste. If you are high risk, then I would suggest talking to your doctor about possible risks to both CTT and termination so that you are armed with all of the information you need to make the best decision for yourself.

    The only other thing I have to say is that I have known a lot of women that have had abortions (mostly back in high school). I have yet to meet a person that regrets having a child, but I know countless that regret having an abortion.

    In the end, you are the only one that can make the right decision for yourself.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:29 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • This isn't a friend. Drop her like a bad habit, please.

    Now, I will say that I would have serious doubts about bringing another child into the world in a less-than-stellar relationship. Babies do tend to make things worse rather than better.

    You have three options, always. Abortion, adoption, keeping the baby. I would find a therapist (NOT a crisis pregnancy center, please, someone with actual clinical training) to discuss all the options from a psychological viewpoint. And I'd discuss the physical ramifications with your doctor, who knows your medical history and knows what the odds are of history repeating itself. Possibly I'd get a second opinion on the potential for VBAC as well.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:42 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • I became pregnant while on the BC pill when I was 32, our son was 3.
    At first I was not exactly happy but he is the BEST thing that has EVER happened to me! He and his brother share the same birthday, 4 yrs apart.
    I can't imagine my life w/o him!
    Your friend is not your friend if all you are hearing is negative things, that is not what friends are for! GL on whatever you decide, your baby, your treasure!

    Answer by KTElite at 9:59 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • I agree with the other moms, drop this "friend" she's not helping you at all.

    My son was an emergency C-section after 24+ hours of active labor. I was not fully dilated or effaced, there was meconium in the water, HE was showing signs of distress at every contraction, and I was starting to spike a fever. He's 10 now and just fine.

    My daughter was a planned C-section. I was given a 50% chance of successful VBAC. That wasn't good enough for us. Good thing I didn't try either, her head was the same circumference as her brother's was at birth. I'd have had the same problems with her as I did with him. She's now 6.5, going on 30. Recovery with her was a LOT faster/easier than with him.

    I'm now pregnant with #3 and due May 30th. THIS pregnancy is harder on me, in general that the other two (I was 22 and 25). If you want to do this, you CAN. Things almost always have a way of working themselves out when you need them to.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:32 AM on Nov. 18, 2013

  • I had a surprise at 41, had daughter at 42
    i was very high risk, placenta issues, and had to have c section month early
    but i was so high risk, that the medical staff was saying i would never be able to carry her to term
    and i would lose her, maybe have to have hysterectomy

    they were wrong, she is six now

    do not regret any of it
    and her father and i had tons of "issues" (he is not longer in picture and I am caring for her 100%

    if you have any doubt, abortion is not an option for you (imo)

    also in my opinion... high risk is a wide range, having a c section is not so high risk, medical staff knows of your past issues, so planned c section MUCH safer than an emergency c section- whole different ball game

    good luck with your is a permanent one

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:37 PM on Nov. 18, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.