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My stepson says he doesn't like me

My step son will be 4 in February. I've been in his life and basically his sole caretaker since he turned 3. His dad has custody, so he lives with us. This all started out of the blue, sorta. Seems to be in cooralation to his mother coming around more(she's been in and out of his whole life, she doesn't like me or his dad). I can't help but feel this stems from things she's said to or around him. And it's not like a, I discipline him and he lashes out with a "I don't like you". Examples: sitting on the couch watching cartoons and I have my 2 year old next to me (pushing my kisses off because he is mad at me) I say "but I love you" and my SS from across the room spouts out "I don't love you! I love my mommy!" Then last night he wouldn't even let me get him out of the car "I don't want you to get me out. I want my daddy" what should I do? Ignore? Push him to like me?

Answer Question
 
ActionJax2011

Asked by ActionJax2011 at 10:20 AM on Nov. 19, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Smile and say OK, But I'll always love you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:27 AM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Have his Dad talk to him alone about it. Maybe he has questions & his bio Mom is confusing him. He needs a private talk with his Dad.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:11 AM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • The car thing is normal at the age and my 6 year old still will say she wants me or her dad to do something and we are both her bio parents. As for the I don't love you thing it could be his mother and it could just be a normal behavior that kids go through. I would reply by telling him that it is ok but you still love him. His dad needs to talk to him though and see if something is going on. Pushing him is only going to push him further away. You cannot make someone like another person no matter how hard you try and the harder you try the further away they go usually.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 12:09 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Pretty normal at this age, for them to say stuff like this, I agree that his Dad needs to speak to him very quiet and gently. How does the custody work, is she allowed to have him alone? Is she a drug user, what is the deal why she has been in and out?
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:34 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Just brush it off. It's a tough situation this kid is in, so he's bound to take it out on the people around him. He'll get used to it. Step-parents are always hard to get used to, no matter how long you've been around.
    AdensMama0308

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 12:39 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I agree with the first poster. Confirm that it's okay for him to feel that way, but reiterate you will always love him. At his age he may think that in order to live his mom, he can't love you. He will grow out of it.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • She is not a drug user (that I'm aware of) she just wasn't ready and IMO never wanted to be a mom. She was busy partying and drinking. Keeping him interfered with her life. She would only take him if she were bored or now in this case her current in again off again boyfriend has 2 of his own. I'm hoping she stays consistent in picking him up. It's really hard to hear him cry forr her when my sons dad comes to get him. He doesn't understand why his mommy isn't coming. So I think he blames me for that. Because I'm the one here who has to tell him. Thinking maybe now that she's coming around more, maybe he feels that I've been keeping her away. She herself has expressed to my SO that she feels we keep him from her. Which isn't the case. We just want her to keep a schedule. She doesn't want him when she's suppose to (court ordered) she wants him on the opposite weekends which is when her bf has his 2.
    ActionJax2011

    Comment by ActionJax2011 (original poster) at 12:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I keep telling him that it's ok to like/love us both. But, as you said I don't think his little mind can comprehend that yet. It's just very hurtful. Since I'm the one who takes care of him and I am also the main disciplinary. I try and leave that to his dad as much as I can, but when I'm with him 80% of the time alone, it's hard to wait. A time out or spank 5 hours after the action won't get very far at this age. And he has severe behavior issues.
    ActionJax2011

    Comment by ActionJax2011 (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I don't know, is it a big deal to change the weekends and then maybe she can stay on the schedule? I would (if he is safe) be open to switching if it made him be able to see her.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:47 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Reason we won't and hesitate to switch is because of my sons visitation. If we switch, then our boys would never spend the weekend together. Other reason is, she is so wishy washy. We have switched for her, and it lasted a month before she was broken up (with same bf now) and then stopped getting him all together. She has excuse after excuse as to why she can't get him.
    ActionJax2011

    Comment by ActionJax2011 (original poster) at 12:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

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