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2 Bumps

How can I make my health issues easier on my SO? adult content

I'm definitely starting to come around the corner on the health problems I've been having, but the issues have been taking a toll on my family. My boyfriend claimed last weekend, in front of other people no less, that the new meds I'm on were making me mean. He backed that down to short-tempered when I confronted him on it. Mean I couldn't deal with, that's intentional and harsh, and he said no, that wasn't what he meant. Short-tempered, I owned up to, apologized for, and have tried to work on. I've kept the house as clean as I reasonably could, put food on the table, worked to make sure the bills were paid at least, not many extras but the basics anyway. My daughter has been sent out to family friends for play dates and excursions more than usual lately, but it doesn't seem to be bothering her much. Maybe Lovey dovey stuff has been at an extreme ebb for the last month or two, but come on, something has to give. Overall, I thought I'd been holding things together okay. Dragging my ass along, holding my mind together on a prayer sometimes, but at least keeping the ship afloat.

Well, then, my SO came in from the dentist unexpectedly this morning. I'd gotten the kiddo off to scool and dropped into a chair with a cup of coffee. I didn't know he would come in, so I didn't think I had to put on a good face for anybody, so I wasn't. I was curled up, feeleing lousy, and not hiding it, because the cat doesn't care if I hide it or not, bless his little soul.

Now granted, my SO hates the dentist chair more than he would hate the electric chair if he were to be sent there. So he was in a pissy mood to begin with. But he came in the door, grabbed his stuff for work, turned around to leave, and banged his fist on the wall. So I asked him what was wrong, and he snarled with a raised voice, "Maybe it sucks to watch you suck it up all the time! Maybe I'm fed up with it!"

And he slammed the door and stormed off to work without giving me a chance to say anything. Which is probably a good thing because I was shocked and wouldn't have known what in the world to say anyway. I still don't know. How can I make this easier on him? What else can I do? I'm adjusting to the meds, so the short term stuff is bound to get better, but the chronic health problems aren't going anywhere. I can manage them and work around them and I'm trying, but I can't hide them. Between the fibromyalgia and the migraines, along with other lesser issues, I'll probably never go another day without pain for the rest of my life, and I'm fine with that. How can I get him down out of the trees on this?


Asked by Ballad at 12:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2013 in Health

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Even the strongest of women need someone to lean on and give them support now and then. You can't be supermom, you'll kill yourself trying. Lean on him, let him in and do what he can to "fix" what's wrong right now.

    I have this same problem. I try to deal with everything on my own, and wonder why I'm so stressed and pissy all the time. It usually takes my husband telling me I'm being stupid and TAKING some of my stress from me before I realize just how stupid I was being.

    He WANTS to help you. He HATES that you're going through all this. Let him in and let him shoulder some of your burden. You'll BOTH feel better.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:27 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Wow,he needs to calm the f*ck down!
    I'm a sarcastic chick. if that were me i'd be like "Oh gee,i'm so sorry you had to see me sitting down and relaxing for a moment. I guess i should have jumped up and serviced you the minute you walked in!"
    He acts like you're milking attention for a cold or something
    This is HIS issue. You don't have to do anything to make him feel better. He should be bending over backwards for YOU.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I think seeing us in pain can be very hard on our guys, majority of them like to fix things and when they can't fix us it hurts them as well.

    In my case my illnesses(autoimmune arthritis and fibro and whole other list) came on suddenly a month after I had been married) so my husband also grieves for the person I was when he married me(very active etc).

    Perhaps some counseling would be a good idea, to try and help him come up with ways to cope with it and ways that perhaps you can help him.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 12:19 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • He should be making your health issues easier on YOU....

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 4:38 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I guess you wait for him to calm down a bit, but here is the thing, I think when chronic illness is present, the other partner must be able to deal with it. I am not saying he was wrong, but it hits below the belt to bring this up in front of other family members. I don't like it when your partner throws you under th bus.
    I guess take a long hard look at yourself and see if you have been super cranky, sit and explain to him that you are working on getting better, and instead of yelling at you, would he just be able to talk to you?
    On one hand he says he is tired of you being cranky, and then says he is tired of you "sucking it up" meaning you are not complaining? Sorry momma.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 12:17 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • "Maybe it sucks to watch you suck it up all the time! Maybe I'm fed up with it!"

    That is the most telling, to me, of your whole post. Guys are fixers-of-problems. They're the "protectors". They are hard wired to action, not emotions.

    He's seeing you suffer from everything going on, and you're trying to deal with it on your own, and he feels like there's NOTHING he can do. THAT is why he's so frustrated and pissy right now. It's not that you're failing as a SO, it's that he sees you going through all this shit and he can't fix it. That will tear guys up. My hubby is going through something similar himself between never being home due to work, and the toll this pregnancy is taking on me, physically.

    Sit down with him and lay it all out. How horrible you're feeling, what you're trying to do on your own, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, what you'd like HIM to do to help you.


    Answer by Rosehawk at 12:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • maybe i'm wrong Rosehawk,but i'm betting he was not feeling bad that she was feeling crappy,he was pissed because she was "still" acting like she felt lousy
    If he IS upset over you being sick,and feeling helpless about it,hitting the fricking wall is not the way to vent his feelings

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:42 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • Without knowing them personally, it's hard to tell if he's pissed he can't help, or pissed that she's still not back to "normal".

    I would like to think, with how long they've been together, that it's the former and not the latter. Granted, he has been a jerk in the past.

    Sometimes it helps having been "one of the guys" most of my life. I don't know if I'm fluent in guy-speak, but I understand it better than some.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:04 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • I feel for you. You can only suck it up so much. Then the pain comes threw anyway. I think you need to sit down with him and just be up front with him. You might need to think about the idea. This relationship might not work. If he can't deal with your health issues.
    I personally think it is time to confront him on this.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:53 PM on Nov. 19, 2013

  • He has been a jerk. Sometimes he still is one. He's been more than decent through most of this, not exactly pulling his weight but doing what I would call better than usual, so I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt.

    Comment by Ballad (original poster) at 1:15 PM on Nov. 19, 2013