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2 Bumps

Hello everyone. I am new to this site and was hoping to get some feedback about a situation that I am currently dealing with. I have a 13 y/o son with my ex. My ex has been married for the last 5

years to a woman who has 3 children from previous relationships. One of these children is a year older than my son and the other two are younger. My ex and this woman also have a child together who will be 2 in a couple months. Anywho, for the last year now my son has been coming home from being with his dad (we have split custody, 50/50 across the board) and stepmom and telling me quite the tales of how his stepmom treats him while he is there. His stepmom is a control freak to put it nicely and doesn't like it when I step in and try to care and provide for my son. Just earlier this spring my son's shoes were falling apart and his stepmom told him that if he came whining to me about needing a new pair of shoes that she would take the shoes I bought him away from him. Now the situation I am dealing with is this: Before school started this year, I bought my son three pairs of quality jeans from a local store. The jeans were all 50% off which is why I ended up getting them. My son informed me a couple weeks ago that his stepmom is hiding these jeans along with other articles of clothing that I have bought for him and won't let him have them back. He said he asked her for the clothes and she told him it was "an adult matter" and didn't concern him. We have one pair of jeans here that I bought for him; the rest are MIA. I ripped my whole house apart just to make sure they were not misplaced here somewhere and I cannot find them at all. There are other articles of clothing that are missing too but I guess I'm more concerned about the jeans because I myself am not made of money. The only reasoning I can come up with for stepmom doing something like this is because she buys cheap clothing for all of the kids (which isn't a bad thing when you have five kids in the house) but I fear she is hiding the stuff so she can use it for her own kids AND I think she is doing it because she is mad that I am buying my son nice clothes to wear. This is only part of the story but I am limited on space. Please help me if you can. I am planning on sending a letter to my son's dad (even though I know stepmom will open the letter and respond to it and my ex will probably never know what is going on) and demanding the clothes be returned immediately. If we don't get the clothes back I plan on making a list of everything that I know is missing along with the approximate price I paid for it and sending that to them as well, asking them to reimburse me for the cost that I am out because she is hiding the clothes. I am trying so hard not to make a big deal out of this for the benefit of my son but I am at my wits end with this woman. She is extremely difficult to deal with and as I said earlier, she is a control freak and has to be in control of every situation, even situations when my son is not with them (that is a whole other story though and I won't get into that). So again, any feedback I can get from you ladies on how to handle this situation in a mature but firm fashion would be much appreciated. Thank you in advance! :)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:13 AM on Nov. 20, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • The only solutions I can think of involve attorneys. Sorry.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:27 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Yes,I agree with Quinn
    Maybe court appointed counseling?
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:35 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Why write him a letter- why not talk to him? He needs to know what is going on. What she is doing amounts to stealing & she needs to be set straight. I agree with the others about contacting the attorney who handled your divorce if you get nowhere with the ex. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:38 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Have you talked directly with your son's father, txt message or phone call? Asking him about the jeans, etc without accusing anyone (that'll probably put him on defense) would be my first step if I was you. Then if civil discussion doesn't work, contact a lawyer. GL
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 9:45 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Oh and I'd start putting your son's initials on the tags of his clothes if possible.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 9:48 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Thanks for the input ladies. I will attempt contacting my son's father by phone call first but not sure how far that will get me. He likes to avoid phone calls from me and any text messages I do send to him are responded to by his wife even though she tries to make it seem like "he" is answering. For this reason, I was going to write the letter but I will take your suggestions and try actually talking to him and see where that gets me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:50 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I would start keeping receipts of what you buy and what goes to his house. Maybe buy a less expensive pair of jeans for him to wear on days he goes to Dad's house? Keep clothes you buy at your house. Initials in clothing sounds like a good idea (except the label can be cut out)
    Right now I would go through email or txt to dad. This is none of stepmom's business. But other than taking him to court, not a whole lot you can do.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Call your lawyer. What ELSE is she doing to your son that he has NOT told you? I'd be revoking visitation so fast it would make his head spin. Donating sperm does not a father make, and right now he's a donor if he's allowing this woman to treat your son like this.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:00 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • The only other thing I can suggest since you share custody 50/50, is that your child must keep his clothing that you buy at your house and stuff the ex buys at their house.

    My brother's ex has destroyed things that his DD took home with her, even letting the dogs rip it all up. She now goes home in the same outfit he picks her up in and that's it.

    I'm sure this will be harder with your child considering his age, but aside from that the only solutions are through the legal system.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:36 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I would call him at work, and talk to him one on one. I think you need to try some mediation via the court as well. I would call her on the phone and say, Jim is missing, xxx could you please send it home with him? I would pack your sons things with a list, inform your husband that the bag needs to come back with everything that is listed.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 11:13 AM on Nov. 20, 2013

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