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Thanksgiving Etiquette Question

My boyfriend and daughter and I have been invited to Thanksgiving dinner by another family we've been close friends with for a long time. It's a big relief to me because I was trying to figure out what we were going to do, and really worried about it.

I feel kind of uneasy, though. My friend and I have done dinners together in the past, and we always split things up pretty equally as far as dividing up the menu. She has usually hosted and cooked the turkey or ham, and I'd bring about half the trimmings. But she knows how rough things have been lately, so she put her foot down and assigned me the green bean casserole to make and nothing else. She and her daughter are doing turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, green salad, rolls, pumpkin and pecan pies, the whole nine yards. I tried to argue with her because I could do a few more things than that and I feel it isn't fair to leave all the work to her, even if I haven't been feeling too well; I'm doing a bit better now. but she wouldn't give an inch. My boyfriend wouldn't step in on my behalf, either. I asked him why later, and he said it's his policy to stay out of chick spats. He said why join a fight you can't win. He says shut up, fix the casserole, go, have a good time, and don't worry about it.

So is he right? I'm really not trying to be difficult. I'm grateful for my friend's kindness. But I don't want to take advantage of her, either.


Asked by Ballad at 12:28 PM on Nov. 20, 2013 in Holidays

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Yes he is right. This time she will care for you and yours at some later date (maybe years from now) you will be the one doing it all and taking the load from her shoulders.

    She is giving a gift of time food and company and it is because she loves you as her friend.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:53 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Your husband is right. You wanted someone to baby you & you're getting it lol.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 1:51 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Ballad, I'm about to slap some sense into your head. You sound JUST like me. Your friend loves you and is trying to help you out. Sit down, shut up, make the dame casserole and BE THANKFUL FOR SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.

    You've been asking for a break, this is it. Silly Momma. (I say this with love, not trying to be a bitch)

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:24 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I think he's right....but I would also feel the way you do. Let your friend do this for you and enjoy it. If you'd like take her a small hostess gift, but really, just make the green bean casserole, hug her and thank her......and when you tell what you're thankful for, you might per her at the top of the list!

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Yes, he is right. Let her treat you all now then return the favor another time. Bring a little gift for her too. Something she collects or a candle etc. Go & enjoy!!

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:32 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I say help clean up! Ask her if you can bring a salad, you need to let someone do something nice for YOU, take Wine and flowers.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 1:22 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Bring something for her, flowers, wine, or a box of chocolates.

    Answer by DJDNY at 1:33 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I agree....make the dish she asked for and take something that SHE really loves like her favorite candy, wine, etc. Or tell her you want to take her to lunch in the new year when you feel up to it. And follow through. Remember she is doing this because she wants to and because she loves you. Feel better! Enjoy.

    Answer by silverthreads at 2:43 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • He says shut up, fix the casserole, go, have a good time, and don't worry about it.

    And you wonder why he walked out pissed the other day? You say you feel like shit and then this?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • She specifically requested one item from you so just take the one item. If you are still feeling bad about it then maybe prepare a dessert or bring a soda for the kids. She's hosting and all she requests is a green bean casserole and the company of a good friend she is thankful to have.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 6:16 PM on Nov. 20, 2013