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My husbands boss knocked him from 40 hours to 15. So his paycheck was cut by more than half, but oddly enough- he is working 40 hours still. And this happened just after we bought a new car, since the engine blew in the other one. So, we went from being comfortable with an extra $1200 in savings a month- to having no savings and just enough to pay bills and buy groceries. We are in month #3 of this.

He promised to tell his boss that if he is getting paid for 15 hours- he is going to work only 15 hours. And find a part-time job to compensate. It hasn't happened yet. And we are sinking quick. And Christmas gifts for the kids right now doesn't look promising.

We can't move- it will cost too much to get out of the lease.
We can't give back the car- we need it to get to work (we drive into the city together)
I've put off everything but utilities, rent and car. Cell phones have been turned off, student loans are in the rears, and my daughters birthday is this weekend...we don't have the $ for a party or gift.

I'm 40 years old, 3 kids and I'm not sure what to do. I have a good job, make good money- but not enough to float us. We've been together 2 years, married for 7 months.

As frustrated as I am about the finances..I know shit happens, and it will be okay eventually. But, I'm getting pretty irritated about the lack of motivation and give-a-crap on his part. He is talking about Christmas gifts for each other, trips to California to see his folks, stuff like that.

What would you do in my shoes?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Nov. 20, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Call the labor dept. If your husband is paid by the hour, there must be some sort of time clock? I am guessing the company is either
    A-going under
    B-your husband was on salary
    C-They want to be rid of him.
    I don't know but I would say either your husband is lying, or there is something MAJOR wrong with the picture you are painting of it.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:42 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • A- yes, this is a measure to keep the company from going under
    B- yes, he is salary
    C- I don't think so, he is the only one that does what he does there. And the boss keeps filling him with hopes of more money and trips out of town for the whole family- "as soon as things get back to good".

    *This isn't the first thing they have done to screw with him. They are really bad business people and get bad advice from their tax consultant. I have asked him to go to the Labor Board...but the boss has put such a guilt trip on him and the other 2 employees, that they are afraid to. (Boss has a wife and 3 kids, if the company goes under the IRS will take his house/truck/etc). It's all BS--- and my husband agrees with me that his boss is full of shit, but does nothing about it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:54 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Well they can't just "cut" his salary, sounds like your husband has a big heart and little ambition, I would think that if MY husband was in your husband's shoes, he would see that this is a lose, lose kind of deal,
    If he is the ONLY person who can do what he does at this company, why can't he be the ONLY person that does it at another, time to go to another job, and quick, or beg that they fire him (they may be going to do that anyway, and want to pay less in unemployment).
    I say get tough, there would be no further discussions in my house about it. Shit or get of the pot so to speak, IDK what the boss has as far as children etc. is really nobody's concern, YOUR family should be his main one.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 6:07 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • You need to tell your DH to start looking for a different job. And stop working 40 hours, if he is only getting paid for 15.
    My DH would have started looking for a different job. The minute they cut his pay.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:20 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • New job. NOW.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 6:24 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Yeah- I'm starting to think he is just making excuses.... why, I'm not sure. I would think he doesn't like the tightened finances any more than I do.

    It's sad that I took him at his word that he had the same values about our relationship and family that I did....and now to find out- that's not the case.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:28 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Sounds like he needs a new job!!!

    We live off enough money for rent, bills, food and gas each paycheck. It stinks.

    Answer by staciandababy at 6:31 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • New job. Yesterday. Time's a-wastin'. No more excuses, no more time to spend working for whatever imaginary carrot the boss is dangling in front of your husband's nose.

    Answer by Ballad at 6:41 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • Ya time for him to move on, companies always make you feel irreplaceable just to keep you trying, but believe me every employee is replaceable therefore every jobs is replaceable aswell. Also I would start to become suspicious about hubby. Maybe he is gambling or something. Have you checked his paystubs?

    Answer by pinkparcel at 9:34 PM on Nov. 20, 2013

  • I don't think it's a lack of motivation or ambition, or a lack of caring, as much as an inability to deal with conflict. Being frozen like that out of guilt & adapting (at his & his family's own expense) for someone else's sake, even though he does NOT "want" to, is pretty typical for people in a variety of situations. With friends, with co-workers, with bosses, with spouses/partners, with in-laws. If you think about it, it usually is "learned" behavior that started in childhood, in the family of origin. This is that issue of childhood issues/coping behaviors continuing into adulthood (in "impossible" situations, like conflicts that feel impossible to broach) and intruding into adult functioning. And the pressure continues from both sides plus the immobility, because he "agrees" with both sides (as an adult, he agrees with you, obviously) and because his childhood is getting triggered, big time.
    Will-power alone won't cut it.

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:34 AM on Nov. 21, 2013

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