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I feel like my husband doesn't appreciate me and is being inconsiderate. I'll explain and let me know if I'm wrong.

I work part-time and earn about $2,000 a month. I also take care of my 4 year old daughter. So I work 25 hours a week. I work Mondays and Thursdays in the afternoon till 11pm. I work Friday nights and all day Sat. I watch my daughter the rest of that time so we can save $1000 on daycare. I also do all the cleaning, cooking, washing and I take my daughter to preschool plus play dates. I pay all the utilities and my bills. My husband and I do not share bank accounts and he pays for groceries and the mortgage plus his bills. On a daily basis he buys wine, cigarettes and meals. He makes twice as much money as I do after taxes and he gets mad when he sees I spend $30 of my money on myself. He complains that I'm always tired and thinks I spend way to much money. I forgot to mention he takes care of our daughter onMonday and Thursday nights and my mother will care for her on Friday and Saturday. His week ends are free.

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Overitwife

Asked by Overitwife at 2:44 PM on Nov. 21, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • You might want to write absolutely everything that is purchased during the week and show it to him. Along with this you also might have a talk about basic fairness.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 2:49 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • I don't care about your schedules but I do care that you feel he is being inconsiderate. He is. Sit him down and tell him not to micro-manage the money you spend. Tell him you are working your butt off and if he wants to pay for child care you can both work full time or he can shut the hell up while he drinks his wine and smokes.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:49 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • I"d like just the money you make each month! Where did you get a job paying you $20/hour for part time work? Sign me up!
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 2:53 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • Wine on a daily basis? If it's more than a glass then I would wonder if he has a drinking problem. Why does he care what you spend your money on as long as the bills are getting paid?
    I do not understand this separate account thing at all. I understand having a joint account and then individual accounts for fun money, but not having a joint account? Strange to me.
    He sounds rude and entitled. Stop enabling him and make him take care of his DD on Saturdays. Your parents shouldn't have to do that.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:54 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • He is a jerk. Save all his receipts for a month then add them up and show it to him see if that opens his eyes.

    amazinggrace83

    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 2:54 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • You are not incorrect. Follow the advice given to you above.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:03 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • After looking at my expenses I spend about 10 dollars on myself per week and I spend 40 dollars a week on cable bills so he can watch football in HD. He is a jerk
    Overitwife

    Comment by Overitwife (original poster) at 3:13 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • I am trying to understand this. Since no one can work a 25 hour day, I am going to assume you work 25 hours total during the week, over a 4 day period. I will make a guess that he work 5 days a week and approximately 40 hours a week. That is approximately 15 hours more at home than he has physically.
    Naturally you will do more of the house work, you are there more and as women we see more of what needs to be cleaned than the average male.
    I will not discuss child care because obviously you can to this agreement, since it would have been you that asked your mother to care for your child, unless she asked for the time, and then you have nothing to complain about.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:16 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • So it sounds like your issue is primarily financial.
    How's the REST of the relationship?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 3:17 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

  • If you are keeping the money separate like that -then who is he to say you spend too much?!
    Unless you are trying to save up for a trip or a major thing together, why should he even care

    *we have always considered the money a family/ shared thing- but he makes the majority of it -so I try to keep purchaes for ME minimal/ cheap
    not that he cares much
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 3:23 PM on Nov. 21, 2013

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