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How would you handle this?

For the past 16 yrs. my dh and our 2 kids and his 2 adults kids (my sk's) have been celebrating the holiday's just us 6.
Well my ss19 has a girlfriend of 11 months and wants to bring his gf to celebrate the holidays with us. My sd21 says she really doesn't want her to come bc she already sees enough of her at her mom's house (my sk's live with their mom) and the gf stays there most of the time.
Our kids heard about it and they too want it to be just us 6.
But my dh & I DO NOT have the heart to tell my ss not bring his gf, he has falling head over heels with this girl, we just don't see this going too far (I hope we are wrong) but this girl is going places (scholarships) and such then going to college. I just pray he is well prepared.
Thx ladies!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Nov. 23, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (13)
  • What would you do if it was sd21's boyfriend? Would you invite him? Would she want a boyfriend to be invited? If so, then I would invite the girlfriend. Personally, I would go ahead and invite the girlfriend anyways, because at some point your adult step kids will be dating someone who could potential be their future spouse. 


    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:04 PM on Nov. 23, 2013

  • Familyscapes change as people grow up, and SO's are an important part of that. What is the rest of the family going to do when one of the older kids gets married... leave the spouse out? Time to get used to the idea that SO's are important too. Id invite the GF... family needs to suck it up and get over it.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:18 PM on Nov. 23, 2013

  • Wow, that was the first thing we did when we were "dating"... bring our new BF or GF to a big family dinner. Why would you NOT want to meet the new love of their life??

    Answer by m-avi at 11:21 PM on Nov. 23, 2013

  • Yeah, gf needs to be invited. They have been dating for almost a year now, at that age that is pretty serious.

    Answer by kmath at 12:47 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • An 11 month relationship is something serious. The SD has more or less said that she's virtually part of the family. Families grow and develop. It's time to accept that. Yes, she should be invited.

    Answer by goldpandora at 5:25 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • Yep, I agree with the rest of the ladies here. She needs to be included. It's the holidays, time to open your home, your minds & your hearts to make more room for 1 more person. Like they said, even if it's not this girl, someday he will be bringing around "the one".

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:53 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • She should absolutely be invited. You can't put yourselves in a bubble forever.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 8:36 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • If they have been together that long, I would absolutely let her come.
    how selfish of them to say they don't want her there. They are all most likely going to want to bring a girlfriend or boyfriend at some point, how would they feel if everyone said no to them?!

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:25 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • I think it makes sense to invite her. My advice is just to stay open to the feelings the others have, acknowledge those. Even explore what would be a bummer to them, thinking about this change. Make space for those feelings & show sensitivity to them, being understanding, while still doing what you think is right. That is called holding a limit, not going along with them just because they really want it that way (the way it's always been.) You can hold that limit while making space for all the "negative" feelings around doing so (versus lecturing them.)
    It IS a change. And while it's not automatically "bad," it's still a loss. And potentially a bummer! lol
    I'm assuming you've met this girlfriend before now, and this is more about the gesture of including her in holiday traditions rather than an opportunity to meet. Whether their objections are about this girl personally or about change, it's possible to validate the feelings.

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:44 AM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • I think your step kids are at an age where you need to give a little. I think it's reasonable to want to spend the holiday with someone you love. Are you comfortable with him going to her parent's house for the holiday if you say no and he chooses her over the family?

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:45 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

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