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What specific things do you do to teach your child VALUES and MORALS?

Do you have sit downs with them, talk to them frequently about things, or just let them do their thing and let them learn the hard way? Or do you think leading by example is good enough? ( I personally do not)...
Do you try to mold them to think the way you think, say about religion and politics? Or do you let them chose for themselves?
My mother never had one sit down with me. All she did was take me to Awanas, which I felt was her way of getting her own free time. (Well that's besides the point) but I feel that going to church was not enough.
My mother led by example by never lying, stealing, cheating, etc yet she had a lot of turmoil from her own childhood she was dealing with (abandoned, adopted, in a cult, raped-geese-etc) not to mention she is bipolar...so I do not blame her, I love her...she did her best. Yet I learned from this, and I do not want to do this to my kids!
I usually go off instinct in terms of discipline and so on...but as she gets older, things will get harder I feel because she will start dating and so on...and I don't want her to get hurt as I did.
Anyway, comments or stories appreciated. Kind words only please. Thank you.

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lullaby572

Asked by lullaby572 at 1:52 PM on Nov. 24, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,129 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • My son is only five, so right now I'm just emphasizing kindness and love - how he needs to consider the feelings of others when he interacts with them and choose the kind/loving approach. And that one should never lie, lest they lose their integrity, etc, etc.
    bandgeek521

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 1:55 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • The best thing to do is to teach by example. I mean, when a child lies or does something wrong, you correct them by explaining why it was wrong, but being a good example for your child, regardless of age, is the best way to show them how to live a good life.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 2:03 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • It starts small. When they are toddlers, it's "don't hit, that hurts your sister". When they are preschool, its "you need to share. if you want to play with their toys, then you need to share yours". then in school, it's about more abstract concepts like kindness and empathy. You build on it as they grow. And, you keep yourself as an example. You model kindness, honesty, compassion, etc. And if you screw up and lie or yell, then you apologize and tell them why it was wrong for you to do that.
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 2:14 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • I have always had open talks about things with my DD even when she was a little baby. Like soft touch and normal voices, indoor voice and outdoor voice. Now that she is older I encourage her to have many friends from many culture background and she is allowed to go to their events if invited. We specificity chose to raise her with no religion, but encourage her to learn about all of it. I often use everyday life to show ways of dealing with things positively and am not afraid to make mistakes that can be used as life lessons. We chat openly and honestly about how actions can look to others and to never allow anyone to bring you down. I'm raising a strong independent woman over hear. lol I also want her to travel the world and experience everything. as far as politics go we might be conspiracy theorist over hear.

    pinkparcel

    Answer by pinkparcel at 2:35 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • Children learn best by example, and they learn from living also.....you cannot always shelter them from the cruelty of this world but you can teach them to learn from mistakes....I created a sense of pride in my young children, by having everything they did for school that had their name on it, be as perfect as possible, and explained to them to take pride in everything they did and why....Giving to those less fortunate was my pet project for many years...I made them give some of their toys they did not use to the less fortunate, and this created the feeling behind kindness, and compassion. I think actions speak louder than just words.......
    older

    Answer by older at 2:53 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • "Do you have sit downs with them, talk to them frequently about things, or just let them do their thing and let them learn the hard way?"
    all of those

    Do you try to mold them to think the way you think, say about religion and politics? Or do you let them chose for themselves?
    I told mine to research and learn. I cannot make those decisions for them, they need to do that for themselves. *As long as what they choose does not hurt others
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 3:52 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • Well, sure I talk to my kids & certainly talk from the perspective of values & reasons, but when it comes to your question of "what specific things" I "do" to teach values & morals, I have to say live by my values & morals! But this isn't just a matter of not lying, cheating, stealing, etc. as you mentioned. There's a lot more to "teaching through example" and it's sort of what you pointed out as problematic about your own upbringing. I think it's important to "live by my values" when it is hard to live by them--when something upsetting happens, for example. Response WHEN triggered or deeply upset (often for reasons of values or morals!) is important. If I want my children to internalize the value of respect, and of self-respect, then how I treat them & others is of highest significance. When "pleased" but also at other times.
    Taking care of my unfinished business as it comes up is key to being able to live my values.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:58 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • I try to set a good example for my daughter and my stepson, and I don't hide it from them when I have to make a hard choice.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:58 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • I lead by example and it has helped to make two great young men. I also tech but mostly they took their cues from my behavior and it made a good example for myself for what I should not do.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:15 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

  • teach lol
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:16 PM on Nov. 24, 2013

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