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Some of you may know the private details, but I would like to ask you about this?

After 22 years of marriage, my SIL found out her husband was sleeping with one of their employees. If she was going to leave him over it, I would understand why she would tell about it! We found this out yesterday, she has decided that is was a "accident", so then why bring your brother (my husband) into this 2 days before Thanksgiving?

I have decided that we are not going to have Thanksgiving at my house, the fact she brought her brother into this drama, does not bode well for a very merry holiday?

I just called my husband and said that I think we are all "sick", he says he wants to confront the BIL about the situation. I am thinking we are al "sick".
In my OP, if your husband does something like this, and you decide that it was forgiveable, you don't tell your family.
I kind of think she wants to start something and then have my hubby "finish" it.
Cancel the holiday or not?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Nov. 26, 2013 in Holidays

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Okay, CM is acting up for me. Your response about her finding out 3 months ago and all the answers after that were not showing up when I gave my response. I thought she'd just found out. So I guess you can disregard the first part of my answer. lol
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:10 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • It's up to you how you want to handle the holidays since you are hosting them. She can't unring the bell & probably was understandably angry & wanting to leave him. But it is a 22 yr. marriage & close to the holidays, so she may have had a change of heart.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:37 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Cancel Thanksgiving at least. Emotions are running too high right now and a confrontation will turn very ugly, very quickly. Your DH needs to stand back and let her be a big girl about her situation. I would never excuse cheating, but in cases like these it involves the two people in the marriage. Now that she has decided that it was an accident, then your DH has to make his peace with at and move forward accordingly.
    If it were me, I would tell her that I will not be able to share the holiday with them as I know that my anger and resentment would ruin things for everyone there. Going forth, I would take her complaints with a grain of salt and let her handle her situations on her own, with minimal moral support on my behalf. JMO.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 4:38 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • If you already invited them and all the family. Yes cancel it.  But I would just tell the truth.  Canceled because Sister/SIL and BIL______________.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:53 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Yeah, I think canceling is the best thing. You deserve to have a drama free holiday. It's not fair that people feel the need to bring their drama to a holiday gathering.
    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 5:07 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • As far her telling your hubby - when I was cheated on, I remember being so pissed that I wanted to vent to anyone. My mom, my dad, my cousin, best friend from high school, the weird guy down the road that picks his nose when you drive by, whoever. lol I mean, seriously, you're just so pissed and so hurt that you don't think about the fallout if you decide you want to work it out. You just want to rant and rave about what an asshole he is and how could he do that to you?! So I don't know that I would assume that she wants your hubby to "finish it' for her - but you know her and I don't, so maybe you are right, I don't know.

    Canceling the holiday - honestly, I'm torn. You'd have to explain to kids and others, and that could get dicey. But at the same time, I can definitely see the potential for drama and I can understand wanting to avoid that. I think you should do whatever you think is best.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 5:09 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • LOL, I have no idea why this is anon?
    2kids2cats2dogs, here,
    just want a Jerry Springer free thanksgiving!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:37 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I messaged her yesterday to say Please don't bring anything, and then she sent me a text that she couldn't wait to come, but if things were odd she wanted me to know why, she caught him cheating about 3 months ago, and she told my DH at the same time she told me.
    I just want zero drama here. I would think that if I was supposed to be "over" it, then why did it come out now, KWIM?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • All the family consists of Thanksgiving of my nephew (grown) and my Sil and Bil, my MIL has to work, we spend Christmas with my side, and Thanksgiving with my husbands, I don't want to call him out, if she has decided this was an accident, lol, I just don't get why she is JUST now informing us, other than she wants to make him suffer.
    Any hey, I have no problem with the suffer part, but find it weird that this happened over the summer and now we are finding out about it.. I am or should I say WILL not allow my children to see their father beat the crap out of someone, my husband is beside himself over this, and I just called and said that we are too 'sick" to host, she continued to beg to come, part of me wants to just tell her off for being a drama queen, the other half wants to hide, and the 3rd part would enjoy seeing my BIL getting his smug behind a fist to the face, LOL
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:05 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • this happened 3 months ago, I will tell you that if my husband cheated on me, I would be announcing if from my front yard, that is the odd thing, I am no fan of BIL, but find it odd that 3 months later it is now the need to "tell' us.
    I could not forgive my husband, but if for some reason I suffered some kind of brain cramp and did.l I would never tell a soul, unless I was so worried about my money (what I think) I would enjoy my brother kicking his ass in front of my relatives, because I am telling you I think this is where we are headed.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Nov. 26, 2013