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2 Bumps

I want to give up (long rant...feel free to skip, its not that important)

I'm sorry this is a whiny, bitching, "woe is me" post. I swear to you ladies I'm not the type of person who always feels sorry for herself. I've just reached a horrible breaking point and can't seem to claw myself out of this shit.

I don't want to bore you all with all the details...just the basics. I feel like no one cares, no one is on my side, blah blah. And I dont want to do it anymore. I'm working my ass off to catch up because of dumb ass decisions my husband made, just to have him make more decisions to put us behind again. In fairness, he's working his ass off too. But I'm so angry at him for putting us into this mess, and now I have to clean it up.

My baby doesn't sleep well at all, so I get almost no sleep, and DH, nor the other kids, give a shit. When I'm home, I'm on the constant run cleaning and cooking and being mom, while he gets to sit around and do nothing.

Then I'm up all night with the baby.

Then I get HIS attitude every morning! Like I've done something terrible every freaking morning! Oh, yeah, I forgot! I don't spread eagle every night and beg him to treat me like a porn star! God forbid! And when I do give him some, he wakes the baby and guess who's stuck sleeping on the couch earlier than most nights? I am...NO NOT HIM! I sleep on the couch with a kicking, pushing, screaming 1 year old!

And now I'm sick. A couple weeks ago everyone in the house got some stomach bug. Everyone but me. So I spent 10 days straight cleaning up puke from one of the other members of my family. When he was sick, I was Nurse Mom. Cleaning cooking, AND keeping him comfy and kids quiet so he could rest, etc. The everything cleared up. And a few days later, I got a head cold. Not stomach, head. I feel like complete SHIT! I've had it for about 3 days. I shouldnt be at work. I shouldnt be around the kids. I should be in bed. But I'm STILL the one up with the baby all night, then the first one out of bed (couch) in the morning to get kids on the school bus, then cleaning the house before I get my allotted 20 minutes each morning in which I'm allowed to shower and get dressed for work. All the while having kids under my feet, a husband screaming at me for whatever wind blew up his ass this time. So I can go to work to try to slowly clean up HIS mess while he goes blowing money that I'm not allowed to bitch about!

I want to give up on all of it. The disrespect from him, which has just filtered to my kids...they show me no respect, or compassion, or care at all, has just gotten to a point that I want to give up. As long as they have clean clothes on their back, and dinner in their stomach, no one in my house gives one rats ass as to what I need! I need some freaking sleep!! I need to give my body some rest to fight off a stupid head cold that should have been long gone by now, but isnt because I'm getting no sleep and running my ass into the ground from 6:30am-11pm But none of them even stop to see any of it. Even when I point it out to them. I've doesnt matter. Then I'm just "feeling sorry for myself". I've gotten angry and throw things (not around the kids, and nothing serious. A pillow once, and a basket of laundry the other time). Which just makes me crazy (that I agree with). And I cant get through to any of them that I CANT TAKE ANYMORE!

What the hell do I do? How do I get him too see me, and stop taking me for granted? Cause if he starts caring about me, and appreciating me, and showing it...I know the kids would too.

(I guess I did get into the details...I'm sorry)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I have nothing to offer, other than to call your mother, I know that my mother would blow in like a hurricane, and help me.
    Very sorry!
    Can you ask him if he can watch the kid tonight and you take some Tylenol PM and get one night of good sleep?
    Here is a cyber hug for you! :)

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 4:50 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Go on strike. Seriously, I did that once. It might be a little more difficult to do with a baby around, you can't just stop caring for the baby, but maybe a mini strike. Something to get them to notice all you do, and that when you don't do it, nothing gets done. How old are the other kids?

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 4:55 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I wish I could call my mom, but there are no phones in heaven.

    And him doing the night time baby care is a joke. In all the years we've had little ones he has NEVER been the one up with them. Even when I was pregnant with my youngest, and the toddler was still not sleeping through the night, AND I was sick....I still had the night time duties. Thats the "moms job".

    He doesnt care that I'm sick. "Its just another excuse not to have sex"

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:57 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I've tried the strike a degree. I cant STAND a messy house. And they know it. So evenutally I will break down and clean it up. AND I get screamed at by DH if the house isnt clean, or dinner isnt made, etc. I dont have the energy to fight him anymore.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:58 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Then leave him. I'm sorry, but it's not worth it anymore. You deserve someone who will treat you like a human being, and who will be a good role model to your children. I know it's probably easier said than done, but how sad that you have to live this way.

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 5:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • STOP!!! As in stop thinking you have to do it all. Start making DH and the kids do it all. You just sit their and tell them what you want done.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:04 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Put your foot down today, and tell your DH you are going to sleep, take a tylenol PM and head off to bed.
    Explain that you are exhausted and can't take another day without sleep.
    Honestly, if he bitches about it, I would take anime's advice.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:23 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • You know, I'm usually a logical, rational person who advocates adult behavior, but your husband is acting like an overgrown child, and an asshole besides. What if you flopped down in the middle of the living room rug and pitched the biggest, baddest hissy fit toddler tantrum he ever saw? I mean, kicking, flailing, screaming, the whole deal. Go for the shock value. In front of the kids. Don't stop till their jaws all hit the floor. When you've really got their attention, tell them what you just told us. Say how you've been sick, how you're dead ass exhausted, how you aren't getting a lick of help, how you're tired of being screamed at, how you want your husband to march those kids out the door, buy them some Burger King and take them to a movie so you can get some rest, and how you better wake up to a clean house and a bunch of kids ready for the school bus in the morning, good night! Then take some Tylenol PM, and zzz.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:31 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Put your foot down today, and tell your DH you are going to sleep, take a tylenol PM and head off to bed.
    Explain that you are exhausted and can't take another day without sleep.
    Honestly, if he bitches about it, I would take anime's advice.

    222's advice is more logical than mine. I was letting my imagination run away with me a bit.

    Answer by Ballad at 5:35 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I think it's hard to function healthily in a relationship when there's significant resentment. And if your husband's spending habits create issues, leaving you both frantically digging yourselves out of a hole, the resentment is understandable but destructive. It is not a matter of "letting it go" but working on resolving it through expressing those feelings constructively. Also addressing the reasons FOR his spending habits (those behaviors serve a purpose or perform an emotional function for him, and as long as that is unaddressed he will tend to continue those patterns, probably sporadically, whenever his stresses overwhelm his coping skills. And the repeated behaviors PLUS the resentment add up to more guilt, shame, stress, and resulting "lapses.")
    The other resentment is a signal that you've been ignoring your personal limits for too long, and taking on responsibilities that don't belong to you (then feeling resentful.)

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:44 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

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