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What amount is considered?

Hi I want to know if you think 60,000 dollars in debt is high or like my husband said is fine. He lied to me about finances. I don't work and he's the one that run the finances. He never wanted me to participate on the finances and yes we were on the verge of getting a divorce because of lack of communication.

Guidance: how do you tackle paying off debt? By paying the low amounts first or the ones with highest interest? Is it better to consolidate? How you do it? I recently got married and don't know how it works here. Come from another country.

He still has the audacity to ask if I'm mad.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Nov. 26, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Debt meaning a mortgage or debt meaning other stuff? If it's a mortgage, that's pretty low. If that doesn't include a house, he's out of his fucking mind.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 10:03 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I agree with NP, if it includes a house payment it is on the low side, otherwise that is ridiculous. People advocate different methods for paying off debt. I go for the smallest ones first so I can actually see a difference. Others say go for highest interest rate first because it will save you the most in the long run.

    Answer by kmath at 10:07 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • I agree with NP. $60,000 of debt that does not include your mortgage seems like a lot to me. I'm not comfortable with any debt besides house debt, so I'm the wrong one to ask.

    I believe Dave Ramsay says to pay off the smallest bills first and then tackle the big ones


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:08 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Not mortgage is about personal loans and credit card debt. He never disclose to me that he was spending money in a reckless way before getting married. Now I have to deal with this and plus he doesn't want me to work telling me that everything is fine and that I don't need to work. He's on the military so he wants me to go to my country so we can save the housing money so we can save like 8,000 but the thing is that I have to go to my parents house and I have no car. I'm going to have a lot of inconveniences going back there and I'm so mad that I have to do all of this in order to help him pay for his reckless spending. Help him pay a little because is not going to be that much. I'm so mad.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:12 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Should I go and do that or stay? Move to a cheap place and slowly pay the bills? Is like why I have to do all this sacrifices because in the first place he wasn't honest with me and know I feel like every time that he has to go away then he's going to send me to my country to save money like that! But what about me I never agree to none of this and know is like I feel his like forcing me know so he can pay his debt. I don't want to be selfish but I'm feeling used too.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:15 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • How is the rest of the relationship aside from finances? If you had zero debt, would you still be arguing?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:33 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • Honestly, in your situation, the dishonesty would be a bigger issue to me than the debt. Don't get me wrong, the debt is huge, but I can't be with a man I can't trust. Perhaps a little marriage counseling is in order to get you both on the same page and learning how to communicate effectively.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:39 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • We do have fights because he's too controlling, I love him but the problem is that still he's not recognizing that we have money issues and he says thing are fine. I get mad because I told hi I was going back that I wasn't going to stay because I can't be with someone if I don't have a clue if we have 20 dollars on the account or nothing at all. I have no clue because he doesn't want me to know and a marriage cant work like that. How can I trust him.? He doesn't want to go to counseling nothing.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • so, he has racked up all this debt, and now he wants you to go back to your country so he can pay it?


    sounds like there are other issues besides the debt. *obviously lack of honesty is one of them

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2013

  • If there is any way you can avoid being sent back to your home country, I would avoid it. That's not fair to you. He gets to run up debt, then send you home so he can save money to pay it off? And what do you get out of that deal? Nothing?

    Answer by Ballad at 2:24 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

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