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How can I get me 18 year old daughter to respect my wishes and obey my rules at home. I feel like she doesn't care about anything I have to say. Like it's a joke to her.

My daughter has been doing horrible in school since she was in 8th grade!! I've tried everything to help her including tutoring, counseling , & lots if love ! But year by year it has gotten worse this past year she just dropped out if high school because she was failing all her classes . No matter how much I talked to her or how much I tried getting her help she always manipulated her away of things . I feel like she' will never respect me. I've worked so hard to give her a nice place to live and take car if her till now. She's 18 so I stopped cooking for her and stopped doing her laundry. It doesn't matter what rules I enforce she will not obey them . She's made numerous facebook accounts but it's all drama someone's made a fake fb account of her posting pics of her in her underwear , now I tell her don't make a new fb because obviously people cause drama but she never listens & made one anyway despite my wishes..,,enough is enough !! What do I do now??? I lm begging to feel hatred towards her , how can I fix this ?? She's constantly making bad choices I've had enough !!! Please help !!'

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Nov. 27, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • Put her out. You do not have to provide for her any longer. I'm dead serious, if she can't respect you or your home she can go elsewhere.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 12:41 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Show her the door.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:47 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Why do I feel so sad?? Like I failed as a mother ? Because she lies to me so much & when I see other kids her age they respect & adore their mom.... Did I do something wrong??

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:00 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • You didn't o anything wrong, she's just being an ass which is typical for a lot of young adults

    Answer by funlovinlady at 1:06 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Thank you.. I appreciate it. I will talk her & tell her either she obeys my rules and respects me or she can move out !! If she says she will change and wants to live with me than I will just wait and see if she doesn't change I will show her the door and not look back until she grows up and realizes I'm the only one helping her! Thanks again I hope & pray she changes her attitude.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:20 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • How do we know Why, or If you did anything wrong? Things do happen for a reason & behavior reflects feelings/needs, and parents with the best intentions can make mistakes (in terms of how they respond to or handle their children's challenging behavior) that do cause problems for the kids (also reflected in behavior), but that doesn't imply intent to harm or even "fault" or blame. I think the flip-flop of either/or (blame the parent or else blame the kid) tends to perpetuate attitudes that reinforce hurts & thus reinforce problems, rather than helping.

    I think this is a time for really reflecting on your personal limits, "owning" them as yours ("I want"), & expressing them clearly. YOUR limits & YOUR decisions (about what you are & are not willing to tolerate.) Reflect on what truly is your bottom line, though. What do you want from her? Is not following your advice about FB profiles truly a deal breaker for you? Etc.

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:12 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Do what we did for my 22 y/o son who moved back home a year ago. Set limits, put them in writing & stick to it. We gave him a 30 day notice spelling out our expectations & if they weren't accepted or followed, then he was to move out. We didn't get everything we wanted in the agreement, but he is making an effort. Sometimes tough love is what they need. Things may get worse before they get better, but someday she will appreciate all that you've done for her. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:22 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Give her notice she will be moving out. Tell her she is an adult now and she can make adult choises. To move where ever she wants. The minute she stoped going to school is when I would have told her. To get a job, you are moving out.
    And if she act like she wont move. Pack her stuff and change the locks on all the outside doors.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:36 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • You need to kick her out! No you don't fail as a mother and you didn't do an damn thing wrong! Just relax and maybe you should talk to a professional about your feelings. Your daughter is just young and wild she'll learn the hard way about how the "real world" works. Goo luck momma :)

    Answer by rachel216 at 8:30 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

  • Write up a contract that you go over with her. She has until X date to get her butt back in school or get a job and move out.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 10:51 AM on Nov. 27, 2013

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