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Dating a guy who had a 7 year plan to never fall in love

It's unrealistic but true. I met the man I'm dating by chance and we have a very deep connection. About a month into dating, I learned that he had a plan to not get serious about anyone for 7 years (until his kids went off to college). Clearly I messed up his plan as he has said many times. So now, several months later, we have fallen in love and are now serious and committed. But I just can't get his 7 year plan out of my head. He wants to just "see where things go." As for myself,thinking long term, I would eventually like to be married again. Not sure if it's him I want to be married to but I get afraid sometimes that I am wasting my time and even though I know he adores me and is in love with me, that somewhere down the line this year 7 plan will come back into play. Thoughts?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Nov. 29, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Sounds like he wants to stick w/ the plan which doesn't coincide w/ yours. Have a serious talk with him & then make your decision. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:51 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • IMHO, I think you should walk & then see if he follows.

    Answer by 3libras at 3:57 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • 3libras, I actually did break it off with not long after I found out about the plan. He not only came back but changed for the better became more attentive, made more time for me etc..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • It's great that he has a plan and it makes some sense with the kids however, if it doesn't go with your plan, forget it. Somewhere, you have to meet in the middle if you really love him and vice versa. I would take a look at your doubts and really ponder why you have them and why you left once. Timing is absolutely critical and if it's off, well, you might as well forget it. JMHO. I'm sure he has a little fear. If he truly is the one, it might be worth waiting but you need to really focus and figure that out.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 4:19 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • Then, that's your sign. :)
    So now you can either be honest & direct about your wants. Or you you can do the girl-thing & start dropping hints.

    Answer by 3libras at 4:19 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • Sounds to me like his plan is still firmly in place, and you are just hoping that perhaps he has changed his mind. Don't think I would be wasting 7 minutes on somebody else's already stated plan, let alone 7 years.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:24 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • I guess I feel a little naive, he did state the plan, I left and he came back and said I messed up the plan and let's just see where things take us. How does that mean the plan is still in place?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • If he can't derail his plan for someone he should care about, then maybe he's not the right guy?

    When my best friend got married three years ago, I told her I didn't want to get married until I was 40. And I meant it. I was in a relationship that was about to become a physically abusive one, and I didn't trust the guy at all. I didn't know yet how truly shitty that relationship would get, but once the shit hit the fan I met the guy who would turn my life around. Now I'm getting married next year, I'm happy, and I'm even happier that I didn't stick to my getting-married-at-40 plan just because I told myself that's how it would be. I'll be almost 26 instead. :)

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • How fair into this seven year plan is he? The way you described it, his plan was to avoid commitment for the next 7 years, until his kids are out of school, not to date someone for 7 years before getting serious. So are we at the 7 year mark, that his kids still have 7 years to go? Or was this the plan he made 3 years ago and the kids now only have 4 years to go? That would make a difference to me. His reasons for doing so would also make a difference.

    As far as you wasting your time, sit down with him and be blunt. Tell him you eventually want to marry again, and you want to know if marriage is in his future or not. Doesn't have to be right this minute, but at least then, if he says that it's not in his future, you'll know that staying is a waste of time.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 4:57 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

  • He is one year into the plain wendythewriter. He told me he made the plan because he wanted to focus on the kids and put his needs aside to give them 100%.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:18 PM on Nov. 29, 2013

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