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How do I tell my daughter about her weight gain and not taking pride in her appearance.

My daughter is away at college in her senior year. She will come home on occasion but is typically at school or stays at her boyfriends house. I get upset with her because she has gained weight and doesn't take much pride in her appearance. I think when she was home I was more on top of this stuff. Not sure if the problem is me and I have to accept this or should I say something which can be a very sensitive matter. she is an only child and I'm used to taking care of her. I still try by offering gift certs to get a manicure/pedicure, hair done, etc. Tell her about my exercise classes and the diet program that I'm so it may encourage her. I hate and am at times very ashamed of her appearance. feel it is a reflection on me. I'm not trying to raise a beauty queen or be unreasonable but want her and expect her to take more pride in her appearance.
Any input/suggestions would be appreciated. thank you.

 
jojo91055

Asked by jojo91055 at 12:40 PM on Dec. 1, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Seriously?
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 12:45 PM on Dec. 1, 2013

  • Um, this does not really come into play during college. Those kids are too busy studying, socializing and trying to get to the point where they can make something of their lives. Back off...

    Most college students around here run around in sweats and UGGs.... LOL! Most look like they just got out of bed AND they probably did.

    You don't say anything. That stuff can wait until they graduate and start looking for job.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:43 PM on Dec. 1, 2013

  • I suggest you work on the part where her appearance triggers shame in you & you feel like how she looks reflects on you. That just means that to some extent, you see her as an extension of yourself, but I believe that is something for any parent to be aware of & work on, when it comes to our kids. It is not healthy to "need" her to look some way in order to feel okay about yourself, anymore than it's healthy to depend on a child's behavior to make you feel competent as a parent.

    Pay attention to the dynamic of needing someone else to be different so you can feel better about yourself. You likely would feel uneasy if someone else in her life related this way to her.

    Bring mindfulness to the very feelings you described here. Ask yourself what importance you've assigned to her appearance, her "upkeep." (What have you decided is the mark of a good mother, successful daughter, etc.? What does her weight "say" about you?)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 1:09 PM on Dec. 1, 2013

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