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3 Bumps

Does being a SAHM depress you?

I feel like I constantly struggle with finding happiness with being a SAHM. Most days I feel like I lost a million battles by the time I go to bed. My 3 boys are 2,4,and 8. They always complain about the food I make, they are so unhappy with all the activities I try to plan for us, going to the grocery store is practically murder.... I am just so tired of fighting my kids! The only thing they seem to find happiness in is playing video games, and I hate that. I am the kind of mama that wants my kids to enjoy LIFE, not just TV. They already have time frames and days they get to play, and I have been very consistent on this, my DH however is not. This is a long lost battle that I wont even try to fight anymore. DH and I are on board for most things, but he comes from a very lazy disconnected family where I come from a very close active family. He doesn't see the harm in how our kids are, but I feel miserable, like I am raising a family that goes completely against everything I had hoped for.

I just don't know how to be happy in my current situation or turn things around so I don't feel like I have a house full of kids that hate me, or that I just don't take it so personally. I never have time to myself either, and I have no idea who I am anymore. I don't have a lot of help, most of my friends live far away or have such complicated schedules, or just nothing at all in common anymore with each other, so I rarely go out or spend time with anyone other than the kids.

How do you keep going ladies? What are some things that make you feel like you have a sense of accomplishment at the end of every day?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Dec. 2, 2013 in General Parenting

Answers (20)
  • Not every day is full of accomplishment. I've come to accept that. As for having my kids do things, if I don't want them watching TV or playing video games, I tell them to go play with their friends in the neighborhood. I prefer that they play outside if the weather is nice or even just decent. I will take them to the park. I have come to really hate TV for the most part. Some people keep it on as a noise maker, but I can't stand that kind of senseless noise. If they aren't actively watching something the TV is off or we have it on a music channel. DS does not like to eat most things. He has always been a picky eater. He takes forever to eat a meal and it's made dinner time my most dreaded time of the day. I love him dearly but the picky eating is by far the most frustrating thing in my life. I should be so lucky.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:22 AM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • we moved to a new neighbor hood recently, into a condo, so we don't know many people right now and we have no yard. we do go out and play at the playground a lot, I take them on walks, hiking, etc.. but they complain about being active even though it is something we have done since they were all babies! they really don't have a lot of friends. I have tried to get to know people in the new 'hood but am having little success in making anything happen.

    it is really hard for me to not have a sense of accomplishment. I used to be a 60 hour a week working lady before I had kids. then I started school but after #3 came along I had to take a break and I have no plans yet to return because of financial debt. I just feel like I am not doing anything important, though I know that is not totally true. I am here keeping the kids safe, fed, and the house clean. I just want to be doing MORE.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:27 AM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Then if you don't do it already, make yourself a to do list every day. Mark things off as they get done so you can see even small accomplishments. Do your kids participate in sports? They can meet friends through activities like that. Or even through activities at your local library.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:46 AM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Never, I always have something to do...and do it, when my kids were small it was overwhelming at times, but I had nothing to be depressed about....have a husband that adores me, and my family does too...my life is far from perfect, but I always look at the bright things of life even if I have to dig deep to find it........being positive in life goes a long way, it takes the same effort to be positive than negative, so I choose positive. Remember you can't please everyone all of the time........Your job as a stay at home mom is one of the most important one you have and will ever do, you are shaping and molding little people, so if you want to do more, do it with them.......
    older

    Answer by older at 11:15 AM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Sometimes, but not always. I am too busy doing things to let the bad days keep me down for long.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 12:11 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Sounds like you need to change your vision of what "accomplishment" is. You're not going to see major changes at the end of every day like you would in a work environment. Accomplishment, when staying at home with kids is things like: the kids being alive at the end of the day, the house being clean, dinner being made, the kids in bed on time, getting to the park when you planned to, etc. Accomplishment is making a plan for the day that includes things like going to the park, going grocery shopping, and cleaning the bathroom, and at the end of the day, knowing you went to the park, got groceries, and just showered in a clean bathroom.

    As far as the video game thing...if Dad's not backing you up, I'm not sure what you can do there. It's not easy to make changes there if you're not getting support from someone else who's got the same authority as you.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 12:25 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • I guess technically I'm a work at home mom, WAHM (I hate acronyms) and no, it doesn't depress me. I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes the messy house depresses me. The pace depresses me. The fact that I've got both ends meeting in the middle but they never seem to get tied depresses me. The fact that I wear a lot of hats, but none of them too well, depresses me. But I love my family, I love being there when my kid needs me. I love not having an office schedule and a boss. I love laying aside my work to cuddle up with my kindergartner and hear about her day when she comes in from school.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:21 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Take some parenting classes or pick up some books. Sounds like you need to approach your kids differently.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 1:25 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • Nope! I'm clicking up my heels as we speak! LOVE IT!
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:06 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

  • I'm not exactly a stay at home mom by choice. I got sick and can't work your traditional jobs out of the house. I do get depressed at times because I can't use my degrees(got sick while at the end of my programs) but that is more about my illness then the sahm part.

    I love being home with my son, I don't really look for huge accomplishments like others have said, many times it is about the little things, especially being sick as sometimes just sweeping the floor and keeping the kid alive is a major accomplishment lol.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:05 PM on Dec. 2, 2013

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