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PLEASE help my 10 year old daughter is so depressed since the death of my mom in July 2008, we start coun. next week but feels she needs to lie to get attention, i show both my kids all the love and atention they need, always argue's with me till i can't take it any more then try's to make it my fault i want to have a loving, trusting relationship with her now and in year's to come, i'm sure the coun. will help but any suggestion's would be ahugh HELP.... thank you all Lori (Plymouth)

my email is, i love her so much my kid's are my life!


Asked by loraly1964 at 10:41 PM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • let her be depressed. that's normal. let her cry. but encourage her to get out and do things. and be sure she understands that her granny loved her and would never in a million years want to see her so upset over this. help her remember the good times and maybe get her started on a journal.
    i'm soooo sorry for your loss.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 10:01 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'm not a therapist or anything but sounds to me like your daughter either doesn't understand death or just cannot accept it. She needs to realize that death is a part of life and that its okay to be sad and miss her grandma but its not okay to be acting out. Maybe if you explain to her that her grandma is watching her from heaven and that she would want her to be happy and being nice that that might help? It's hard with children because death is so difficult to explain and understand...their little minds can't grasp the concept. I think the counseling will help a lot...that way you can get advice from someone who has actually studied this type of thing. I would just sit down and talk with your daughter in the meantime and try and have a meaningful conversation about life and death and heaven (or whatever religion you believe in) and maybe once she understands it better, she won't be as upset.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:46 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • Did your daughter obviously mourn her grandmother's death? Or did she attempt to shove it aside and not deal with it? At ten it may very well be that she doesn't understand it really, or it may be that she cannot admit that Grandma is gone. I was 12 when my baby cousin died. I started acting out really poorly because I felt that I couldn't mourn her death. I couldn't admit that I was hurt because everyone around me was so obviously devastated. I thought I was being selfish for hurting because I couldn't hurt if my mom and my dad hurt. And although I was the youngest child, I was always kind of the oldest emotionally and my sisters leaned on me a lot more than I could handle. I am not saying this is neccesarily the case with your daughter. However, make sure she knows it is completely acceptable for her to cry and to talk about it. Maybe you guys can make a scrapbook or something in memoriam?

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:53 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

  • did she go to the funeral? Or any part of the service? Since my mom died August 4th 2007 with my brother's kids at her side. The youngest one has taken it hard and has actually been put on antidepressives.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 8:41 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Everybody grieves in different ways and for different lengths of time. If your daughter and your mother had a special bond, it is normal for her to still be grieving the loss. You all just went through the Holidays for the first time without her. The first year after someone dies is always the hardest. Help her to put together a journal of memories and pictures that she can keep to remind her of her grandmom. Let her talk about your mother and ask questions. It will help her to come to acceptance of her death. Right now it sounds like your ddaughter is still angry with the fact that your mom died. This is the first reaction to a death. You need to support her through the rest of the grieving steps. There are many books on dying that may help/ Elizabeth Kubler Ross,MD is the most well know for her studies of dying .Borrow a book from the library to help you understand the steps so you can help your daughter through them.

    Answer by seasidegrandma at 10:28 AM on Feb. 20, 2009