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When people piss and moan to you constantly but do nothing about it....

how do you keep your cool?

one of my neighbors is terrible about this. there is an 8 year old kid that constantly "forgets" her key after school so she takes it upon herself to allow the kid into her home until the parents get home, but then complains and whines that it happened. if you're going to bitch about it, don't let the kid in your home or call the police. same thing with her marital issues, yet she remains married to the guy.

how do you say nicely, i don't give a fuck anymore!

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tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 2:40 PM on Dec. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Unless you're offering sexual favors, I don't think there's any way to nicely say something that includes the word fuck. :D

    If it were me, I'd probably just start making it a point to ask, every time she complains about the kid, "Why do you let her come in, then?" Or the husband, "Why don't you leave or do something about it then?" Say it enough times, maybe she'll finally get the hint.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 2:44 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • I would go to the kid's parents who have no key, and suggest they get her a key on some sort of necklace, for 2 reasons, if the husband is crappy, I wouldn't want my kid to hang out there, and I am guessing the kid really has a key but wants company?
    I would tell neighbor this,
    You have the same story, different day, I enjoy your company (if you do) but do you realize we have been discussing the same issues for XXXX number of years, weeks, days?
    I most likely would say I am too busy to talk, important phone call, you fill in the blank.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 2:45 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Nicely? Dunno. In case number one, I'd say, "Then don't let the kid in your house or call the police, but I don't want to hear about it any more."
    In case two, "Then DUMP the guy already, but I don't want to hear about it any more."

    Might not be nice but it's direct.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:46 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • This is so hard. I had an old friend who did this, when we first met she wasn't like this. We were neighbors & very close friends. I was 20 and she was 23 when we met. Over the years she had some tough breaks, and she began to feel more and more sorry for herself, eventually depending on prescription drugs to get through the day. When we would talk I couldn't tell her anything about my life. It things were good in my life I felt like I was 'rubbing it in' if I had any challenges to deal with hers would be worse, but as you say about your neighbor, she would never do anything about it.

    If I tried to help her she always had reasons why any suggestion wouldn't work. At one point I was living in another state & she called me to tell me she was going to commit suicide. I didn't no what to do, tried to reach her boyfriend & ex husband, could reach neither, & eventually called the local police, she ended up in the psychiatric ward.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:47 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • i have asked her why she lets the kid in, and she says "well i feel bad" REALLY? not that bad if you do nothing but complain about it! and this was an ongoing issue a few months ago and someone else called the police, and she started "remembering" her key again. now the past few days she's been "forgetting" it again. i personally think she does it on purpose because she doesn't have a great family, and my neighbor has more toys and gives her more attention than she gets at home. i totally get that. but i dont want to hear about it anymore! lol
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 2:48 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • You can just find something else to do or change the subject abruptly and every time.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Continued- anyway, even after this she seemed to wallow in self pity, and refuse to help herself or change her life. Her adult sons took advantage of her, and she would allow herself to be the victim. She remarried her ex husband, then had a truly horrible event happen. He died of cancer. After that it became more and more difficult to talk to her. For the first year I just let her talk, tried to get her to join a support group or go to counseling, but she wouldn't go, there was always a reason why she couldn't.

    I slowly stopped taking her calls, then one Thanksgiving she called and told me off, told me what a terrible friend I was and that she was jealous that I still had me husband, we were sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner when she called. I finally cut off the friendship.

    Then, this last May I got a phone call that she had died and the coroner couldn't determine whether it was an accidental overdose or suicide.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Sorry to vent on your post, I guess it just hit a little close to home. I'm not surprised, and I'm sad about it, but I don't think there was anything I could do, she didn't want help.

    Again, sorry to vent on your post!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Have the parent give that neighbor a copy of the key so she can let the girl into her house.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Ugh,that's pretty much my whole family.
    This is part of the reason why I avoid them like the plague.
    My aunt will piss and moan about her hours at work. She started at 40,and they've whittled her down to barely 30. I'll ask her where she's applied for work,and I get a blank stare. Well,either bring up your concerns to your boss,or look elsewhere. What good does it do to complain to me? I could see if she went on a spree applying everywhere and getting no bites,but she doesn't even look.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

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