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Moral Dilemma (Update on Just Checking)

Okay, so don't judge me, because I really am just struggling and trying to figure out the right thing to do. I'm not stupid and I'm not a monster, I'm in a tough situation. Grandma has custody of ten-year old girl and twelve-year old boy, the boy has serious medical issues. Mom wants to take them to apartment with no heat overnight. Grandma has warm place for them to stay, but mom is being stupid. Grandma has legal custody of kids and will probably cave in and send them with as many warm blankets as she can gather up because she can't stand up to the mom. The logical choice at first glance is to call CPS. But the thing is, those kids have already been through the wringer with CPS since they were toddlers. Yanked around, hither and yon, and it's almost Christmas. Maybe I'll be doing them more harm than good, and it would be better to just heap the blankets on and let the mom have her selfish way so they can get back to their grandma's warm loving home tomorrow, which is where they want to be more than anything in the world instead of packing them off to some strange place for the holidays and breaking their hearts again. Please, for the love of God, help me get my mind straight, my friends. And ifyou want to ream me out, at least wait till after I've made a decision about what to do first, okay?


Asked by Ballad at 7:35 PM on Dec. 4, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 45 (193,996 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • I would lay it out for Grandma: you stand up to Mom and give those kids the stability they deserve and desperately need, or you leave me no choice but to call CPS and report what's happening. I would point out what you've said here; that it will break the kids hearts, and put them with strangers for the holidays, but you will do what has to be done because you can't stand by and let the kids go through this.

    Hopefully that would be enough to make her do what she needs to do, but if she doesn't...then you do what you need to do.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:56 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • If the boy didn't have ongoing medical issues and the mother didn't already lose custody, I might have more sympathy. But the fact is that the boy is medically fragile and the grandma doesn't have the balls to stand up for what is right. You need to be the voice for those kids. They cannot protect themselves... you need to do it for them. It is freakin 9 degrees outside right now in Denver... it doesn't matter how many blankets you put on... that is too cold to sleep in. It is dangerous!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 7:59 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • and why is this your concern?

    Answer by Crafty26 at 7:40 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • I just didn't want to rip those kids out of their grandma's arms, either.

    That would be the grandmother's fault, not yours... she is the one making the poor parenting choices.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 8:56 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Grandma needs to get a backbone and tell Mom NO. If there is no heat, that is NOT adequate housing for kids. They NEED a heated place to sleep.

    If they've had a turbulent life up until now, they DO NOT need more turmoil, even if it's for one night.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 7:41 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • I understand this is a hard place for you to be in but the right thing to do isn't always the easiest.. Calling CPS is the best thing if grandma wont stand up to the mother. I would tell grandma that if she allows the children to go with mom, you will be forced to call CPS for the childrens sake.. If the boy is already medically fragile, Im sure the cold apt is doing him no good and could cause more harm than being taken away from someone who can not protect them.. Sad situation


    Answer by midnightmoma at 7:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • I say call CPS
    This goes back to my saying that if someone knows that a kid is being neglected,it's their responsibility to say something

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:46 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • Maybe I am reading this wrong but you are wanting to call CPS because the mom wants to take the kids for just one night and she doesn't have heat? As long as they have blankets or something to keep them warm, I see no problem. I hope someone doesn't call CPS on me for taking my son camping!


    Answer by JeremysMom at 7:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • What you truly need to do is encourage and empower Grandma to stand up for her rights, to stand up for her grandchildren, and NOT LET THEM GO WITH THEIR MOTHER!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 8:05 PM on Dec. 4, 2013

  • If the Grandma is your friend I would tell her she HAS to keep the kids and not send them to a cold house.

    Answer by DJDNY at 8:16 PM on Dec. 4, 2013