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Why does my husband get upset when i ask why doesnt he kiss me anymore or tell me im beautiful and want to make love to me?

The only time he ever gets into me is when we go out and there is people around and then as soon as we get home it changes. He never wants to start sex kiss me I try looking sexy for him and it sometimes works. I ask him if were going to have sex later and he always says yes and it follows with well I started it last its always ends up into a stupid argument. We shouldn't be arguing about who started it last. Don't know what to do we went to counseling when we first got married and it worked and now our marriage is going down hill slowly

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Asked by jvelez0113 at 11:43 AM on Dec. 5, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Go back to counseling.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:05 PM on Dec. 5, 2013

  • Stop asking.
    Let him come to you for sex. Men like the hunt. If he doesn't ask for it, he doesn't get any.
    Make sure when he does ask, you respond with enthusiasm. :)

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 12:37 PM on Dec. 5, 2013

  • So he was like this before you married him? Why did you marry him? Have you asked him what his problem with you is? Why do YOU think he acts like this? Usually the simplest answer is the solution.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:37 PM on Dec. 5, 2013

  • How long have you been married?

    Answer by louise2 at 1:09 PM on Dec. 5, 2013

  • Is he stressed at work? Any other stress in his life like an ill parent?

    Sounds to me like there are underlying issues. How is your relationship outside of the bedroom?

    When I was married, my now ex wouldn't want to make love to me if he was stressed at work, when his dad was really sick, or when there was other issues in our relationship.

    Try reading the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Figure out which one is his and speak to him using that.

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 2:51 AM on Dec. 6, 2013

  • Why does he get upset? Most people get upset when they feel defensive. If he expects himself to have answers/solve problems and thus to "be competent," then he may get irritated & irritable when someone raises an issue for which he doesn't have an answer or solution. He is likely to get upset when situations that make him feel helpless or hopeless (like, he can't win) are brought up.

    That's what's going on with irritability: the person wants to make something go away or stop happening. The (negative) reaction is supposed to make you drop it, or make it less likely to come up again. It's avoidance, but via a small amount of aggression or negativity (like a "back off" warning.)

    If it was less threatening, and if he felt less hopeless about it, he wouldn't need to avoid the subject.

    Answer by girlwithC at 4:41 PM on Dec. 6, 2013

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