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Do I invite my sister after all she has done??

Tomorrow I am celebrating my sons 3rd birthday. Having a few close friends over, my mom, aunt, MIL and FIL, that's it. My mom is already upset that I am not inviting my sister, which blows my mind a bit after all that has happened.

Long story short, she is an alcoholic, has been for years. Everytime she gets in treatment I am there helping her whether it be with her kids, with transportation, with a place to stay... as much as I can while raising my own three boys, managing my home, marriage and a part time job. I have always been there to support her and encourage her when everyone else has given up.

Growing up she hated me (she is older). Not a day went by she didn't abuse me. Despite that I still try to be a good sister (it is just us). Believe me I have struggled with trying to keep an open heart to her, and there have been times I just took her out of my life for a bit because I couldn't deal with the stress and abuse from her.

This entire year she has been in treatment to stay out of jail from her second DUI. I have not been very kind as I know she needs tough love. Never given her money, etc but In situations when she has been in 'danger' in her random living situations, I have given her a place to stay. Not just to help her but to get a chance to reconnect hopefully now that she was sober. Plus her kids were taken from her and the only time I get to see them is if they spend the night here with me and she wants to see them too. I convinced my family she was ok and I knew she was on the right path. SHe did great all year and I really thought this was it.

Well not long after she graduated the program, I knew something was up. I had no proof, but I am so used to her behavior. She told me her roommates were psycho (always the same story) and I let her stay over. The next day she watched my kids so I could work for a couple hours, and then I took her home. I realized very quickly she wasn't acting right. When I got home, I checked and realized she had cleared out a bottle of wine and 2 beers from my fridge. I am not sure what she drank or took, but it was gone and she still denies it to this day, along with all the gossip and lies she told my next door neighbor while she was out side smoking. My neighbor felt so bad about the things my sister had said she felt it was only right to call and tell me. I confronted her and she sent me the most hurtful and accusatory texts for days. SHe still says she dumped it and that my neighbor made everything up. Too bad I know better.

I have just had it trying to be nice, trying to help, .. when it ends up like this every time. My husband forbids her from ever coming over. I really agree and I just don't want her in my life anymore cuz I cant stand the stress and lies anymore.

I am afraid my emotions are making the judgement for me to leave her out of tomorrows celebration. Honestly my son would not notice if she was here, my kids are actually afraid of her cuz she is so mean to them most the time when she is here... I just don't want to be around her at all. I know she is going to take it so hard, but maybe she needs to? She is so unstable already. I know she is drinking again, and my mother has taken her in... ug. It such a mess. I finally told my mom about what happened the last night she was here after a night she got drunk and caused a huge fight at my moms and then my mom found all her liquor gone as well. and she STILL keeps her there......

Am I right to stand my ground and not invite her? She texted me tonight asking and I don't even want to answer....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Dec. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • " My husband forbids her from ever coming over."

    The question is moot. The woman is already banned from your home. As well she should be. No worries about standing your ground, your husband's already taken care of that. She is forbidden.

    She needs a residential treatment program. I just hope she never gets in a wreck that kills someone else (drunks practically never die themselves; they kill others).

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:32 PM on Dec. 6, 2013

  • You have every right to not include her!
    This is your sons birthday and ALL of the attention should be placed on him as well as a positive atmosphere.
    If your mom can't accept it, then tough love to her as well! She can stay home!
    You're accountable to your family, meaning, husband, and kids. It's your job to protect your children from her behavior.
    You do not owe anyone anything!!

    Answer by KTElite at 11:33 PM on Dec. 6, 2013

  • ok, my husband 'forbidding' her is extreme.. but he has said in more than one way that he never wants her over here again. He is sick of the way he treats me and my kids, and my family.

    I don't blame him. If I said she HAD to come I know he would have no say... he wants me to be happy even if it meant she came. But even he knows how I feel. I think we agree we don't want her around anymore.

    I have a hard time with deciding if it is fair to my kids, to her, etc... I know it seems logical to disregard her, but I don't think I am in the right mind emotionally to make the choice. Please be kind this is hard for me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:51 PM on Dec. 6, 2013

  • and she has been kicked out of the programs because she is so controlling and psychotic and will not adhere to their rules. she is insane. she is calling me right now actually... I wont be answering.,


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:52 PM on Dec. 6, 2013

  • Don't answer. DON'T INVITE HER.

    She is not family. She's someone you happen to share genetic material with; that DOES NOT MAKE HER FAMILY. The important family is the one you CHOSE, not the one you happened to be born into. That means your husband and your children come first. Your husband doesn't want her there and for good reason!

    It would be unfair to your kids to keep associating with someone who frightens them.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:00 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • I agree gdiamante. My family however is REALLY really good at guilt tripping me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:08 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • I am sad there was alcohol in your house for her to drink.

    You do not have to invite anyone you don't want to invite.

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:14 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • Follow your heart....

    Answer by older at 7:24 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • Here's the main reason to exclude kids are actually afraid of her cuz she is so mean to them most the time when she is here...... It is your home, your choice.

    Answer by silverthreads at 8:02 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • do not invite her.

    Answer by christina122952 at 8:04 AM on Dec. 7, 2013

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