Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

My son has a *diagnosis* NOT a *label*

I am so tired of people talking about how kids are sent to school and 'labeled'. I am tired of hearing how High Functioning Autism is the 'New ADHD' to.

This woman was talking to me about her son who was having trouble in school. She started ranting on how the school wanted to have him tested and labeled so that they could help him. She said she was refusing to allow her child to have a label slapped on him. According to her labels make children feel broken and worthless. So basically she is allowing her kid to struggle in school because she will not allow the school or seek a doctors opinion to help determine why he is having difficulties.

Anyway I decided to tell her that my son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome- hoping that would just stop her from talking to me anymore. lol. She then went on to rant about how HFA was over diagnosed and it was the ADHD of the 2000's. I finally made an excuse to step away from her.

I just don't get this way of thinking... I mean, if your child was having trouble breathing you would seek medical attention for his quality of life. They may diagnose him with asthma and you would accept the diagnosis because that is what you need in order to get breathing treatments and inhalers to help-they don't hand those to people who don't have a medical need based on diagnosis... You might also need a doctors note saying he had asthma in order for his activity to be monitored in school. You would not consider an asthmatic child as 'broken' But you talk about a learning, mental or social disorders and all of the sudden it is a 'label' and not a diagnosis.

Why do you think that is? I don't get it. How does a diagnosis become a label?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Dec. 7, 2013 in Special Needs

Answers (14)
  • I get it. My son was LABELED (I say labeled because they aren't doctors, they can't diagnose anyhing) by the school district with high functioning autism. It irked the crap out of me that they couldn't give me one good damn reason for their findings. I truly felt they just needed more kids in their programs. HOWEVER, before/while all this was happening I did feel he needed a little extra attention and support in school even though he was just in preschool at the time. So even though I didn't necessarily agree with their LABEL I knew that by allowing him into the support class he'd be getting that extra help, even if I have a hard time believing his "issues" for lack of a better word, stem from autism. But he's doing great. So while I don't like that the school LABELED my kid for what I feel like was partially for their own benefit, I am happy with where my son is and how he's doing.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 9:29 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • Oh, and when I did bring it up the the doctor, he didn't see any reason to officially evaluate and diagnose him. He said if I was happy with the support the school was giving us there was no reason for it and until the day came that I felt my son needed more than the school was providing there wasn't a need to further test, unless I REALLY wanted to. I didn't.

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 9:31 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • In Kindergarten my son was labeled a bully and a problem child by his school because he was bored in class and would act out aggressively because of said boredom.

    He's now in 4th grade and since 2nd grade when he started in the HiCap (gifted) program his aggressions issue have dwindled to almost nothing. Before he started 3rd grade he was diagnosed with Asperger's AND ADHD. He's been on meds for the ADHD now for almost a year. Boy what a difference in my child!

    I don't get this idea that kids are "broken" because of a diagnosis. There is nothing WRONG with my son, he just thinks and processes things a little differently that other kids. He is also NOT allowed to use his diagnoses as a crutch or an excuse, which I think many parents allow.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 9:54 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • She is the one putting a label on kids that have been diagnosed. She will end up with a child that struggles in school and possibly in life as an adult because she refuses to address the issues he is facing. Stupid of her, but most of all it's sad for her kid.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:16 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • All that talk makes my head hurt, to tell the truth. My stepson has Asperger's and ADHD. Meds an special ed support have made all the difference in the world for him. He wouldn't have gotten to his senior year of high school without them. Label, diagnosis, whatever. It is what it is.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:32 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • I was "labeled" dyslectic in 2nd grade. And I am eternally thankful to my parents for that. I got "special" help, and am now the only person in my family with a masters degree. I would not have been able to do that with out early intervention. If I didn't know why I struggle while others don't, I would feel like I was stupid. My ex had a childhood friend that would write to him on a regular basis. I remember reading one of his letters and telling my ex that his friend was clearly dyslectic. He never got help. He could never keep a job, and lived with his parents until he died. My son was "labeled" HFA in second grade. If he had not gotten all the special help he needed, he would not be in college right now, with an $80,000 scholarship. Like Rose, I also never let him use it as an excuse, as my mom never let me use my "disability" as an excuse. But knowing why we are different helps so much.


    Answer by musicmaker at 11:35 PM on Dec. 7, 2013

  • As a teacher, I see parents who decide to not get help, and I just want to tell them that their children are suffering in school because they know they are different, and they don't know why. The other kids know they are different, and treat them badly. (usually not in front of teachers, so it's hard to stop) I had one mom who told us we were not to tell her son that he had Asperger's. She didn't want him to know. Don't you think he wondered why he had to see learning support teachers? I'm sure he knew he was different. So instead of thinking, I have this awesome superpower ( because I truly think Aspie kids are awesome) that others don't have and they don't understand me, he's thinking, everyone thinks I'm weird, and they hate me.


    Answer by musicmaker at 12:02 AM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • I don't know where you live...but you are lucky. Where I live...anyone that needs special education has to first get a lawyer to battle with the school district to provide the services needed.

    I asked for my son to be evaluated for Dyslexia...they told me he had ADHD...Dyslexia was a medical issue where as ADHD was academic. "Really? Dyslexia...the ability to medical...but ADHD which requires a Doctor to diagnose and write a prescription is academic...although it had no effect on ability to read? Gee, well, I hope they come up with a pill of Dyslexia soon so that it becomes "academic". Oh, and by the way, where did you Ms. School Psychologist get your medical degree? Oh, you only have a Master's in you can't write a prescription can you? Oh, I'm sorry, am I being a pill?

    Answer by vanillaorchida at 2:14 AM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • Some people with weak self-esteem need to live through their kids accomplishments and successes...If Little Johnny or Jeannie is broken or at least labeled as defective...that makes mommy and daddy defective...nothing to brag about...

    Side note: Just because a kid has been evaluated and labeled does NOT mean the school will spend any time or money helping the just gives them an Ace up their sleeves when needed.

    Example...if your kid is in a grade that does state wide tests...and has a 504/IEP that gives the kid extra time on tests...that increases the possibility that your kid will score higher on the test because of the extra time...helping the school boost their stats...purely for their own benefit...they have no intention of tutoring your kid to improve their personal grades...they just need your kid not to tank their state statistics.

    Answer by vanillaorchida at 2:20 AM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • A study was done...teachers were told specific kids tested highest on some IQ test. Those teachers fawned over and gave extra opportunities to those kids. At the end of the year, those kids had higher grades. Then the teachers were told that those kids were actually the lowest scorers on the IQ test.

    Labels for people weak minded enough to need/use them simplify their lives so they don't have to invest the time to think. If you can't sort people into boxes and label them...then you have to invest the time to actually get to know each person individually...OH! THE HORROR! (read that with sarcastic Soap Opera dramatic effect).

    I prefer to complicate my life by getting to know each life has so much more depth...more flavor because of it.

    Answer by vanillaorchida at 2:47 AM on Dec. 8, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.