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17 yr old son. (sorry this is very long)

First here's some back story. About 6 months ago our son (he was 16 then) and his girlfriend decided to have sex (she was 16 as well). We found out, we had to wait to see if she had gotten pregnant, thankfully she wasn't. So my husband and I, and her parents came to the agreement that they were to only see each other when there are adults present.

We told our son that they could do stuff together if her Mom took her to get birth control, and we could trust that she was taking it. Well that was 6 months ago, and it never happened, so we've stuck to our end of the agreement. Her parents have said we're too strict, and that they don't mind if they do stuff together, that they trust them..... In other words they want to be their friends. We refuse to be our kids friends.

We also have set rules that if he gets any D's or F's he's grounded for a week for each. That means no driving, and no cell phone. So he got 2 F's, and also got in trouble for messing with his cell phone in class, the teacher took it, and then our son decided to get the phone out of the desk at the end of class without asking the teacher. He knows he's not supposed to have his cell phone in school. We've told him he's to leave it in his car for the day.

So we grounded him for 3 weeks. He was very upset that he won't be able to see his girlfriend...... So much so that he decided he was going to leave our home when I was gone friday evening taking our other sons to their Grannys house. But, since the weather got bad, I didn't go anywhere, and went in his room to tell him and saw a bag that was packed, with his shoes on top. I asked him what it was for, and he said he was just organizing his room. After I told him I'm not a fool, he threw a note at me, and said he was going to leave while I was gone. So he then proceeded to tell me that he was 17 and there wasn't anything we could do about it, and he was leaving.

I called the sheriffs dept, and they said it's a "gray area". At 17 he can do what he wants, and we can't stop him. So he called his girlfriends Aunt, and she came and picked him up.

He's sent me a few texts since he left. None of them to say he was sorry, only to tell me that if he would decide to come home, he'd let me know. I told him he would have to do a lot of talking, and there would be consequences if we were to let him come back home.

He's now staying with his girlfriends aunt, or parents, I'm really not sure which. He's told me that he's going to be going house to house, and then say's he's on his own. I've told him he's not on his own, he's just using everyone else but us to live. He has no job, money or a car.. I don't know how he's going to survive on his own.
Despite what he thinks we're worried sick about him. My hearts broken, and my Husband has been out of state during all of this. So he feels really bad for me having to deal with all of this alone.

I would appreciate any input on this.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Dec. 8, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (35)
  • Well when your husband gets home, I am sure he will come back, here is the thing, the more you beg, plead etc. the more he knows he is wearing and getting you down, call him in the morning, and say you are going to court and getting emancipation papers for him, so that he can get D's F;s and have sex with his girlfriend anytime he wants.
    This has gone to far one D or F in my house, unless there is some good cause for it as in a disability of some sort, we would be over any phone, TV, girlfriends or what not. you didn't put your foot down early enough, and I am not even talking about the sex, but if he is almost 18 time to let him experience what he wants and don't bail him out.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 8:22 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • Under the age of 18, you are responsible for him. If he should get into any trouble, it's on you.
    If he were my son, I would call the police and have them escort me to where he is staying and haul his snotty ass home!
    Gone would be the car, cell phone, computers etc.

    I would tell him when he turns 18, he could leave home but until then, his ass is in school! Even if you have to take time off from work to escort him!

    He needs a lesson in respect! The girls parents are idiots to allow this!
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 8:26 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • Sounds like the police will not help. Just inform him he can come back. But, living under your roof their are rules. If he does come home. Make him get a job and pay you rent. At least that is what he will think it is for. Just save it for him later.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:27 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • He won't be able to find a job without graduating.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 8:29 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • We didn't put our foot down early enough? Not sure what you mean. We've had the same rules since he's been in school, and have always stuck to them. He loses everything for any D's or F's. It wasn't anything new. He told us that we're too strict, and that's one of the reasons he's left.
    He also said that he's 17 he can do what he wants. According to the state of MO, he can, so our hands are tied. He's never been in any trouble. He ran to her family, and they are enabling him. They bought him a cell phone, because I had his turned off, and we didn't let him have his car. They came and got him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:30 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • The police did say if he gets in trouble with the law he will be treated as an adult. We won't be responsible for him if he gets arrested.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:33 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • Then let them have him and do not call him! Make him want to call you!
    I know how worried you'll be but he will come home because her family won't want to support him forever.
    He'll see his home Is not so bad.
    When he chooses to come home, lay down the rules and tell him his grades improve or he's out.
    I hate tough love, but sometimes we have to do it.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 8:35 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • You have to remember, right now he's thinking with the "wrong head"
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 8:37 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • I totally agree KTElite. Thank you everyone.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:41 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

  • Try to rest tonight. He's safe.
    KTElite

    Answer by KTElite at 8:43 PM on Dec. 8, 2013

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