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My MIL is visiting for 6 months we hate each other, dh is a mamas boy and they are close, she spent 3 mths w other son but is not getting along with his wife - i want her out

please help to deal with the situation, I want to yell get out of my house when she come in..I pay the mortgage, work full time and take care of my kids, she manipulates my husband, she lives alone in England and comes here for the 'weather' she is 75 and is able, she has got the other son against his wife and now she is coming to our home to ruin whatever is left of us, she manipulated her other son to hit me and we haven't spoken in years. She is very secretive and talks behind my back, trashes my parents with my husband, got him against me and completely sabotages whatever I do -- she gets him on a guilt trip saying she took care of them her whole life. My sister in law who is a lot firmer than me is throwing her out of her house, problem is my husband is a mama's boy and will do anything for him mama even if it hurts his wife. they are psychos.--- please help!!!

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Shakeera

Asked by Shakeera at 4:25 PM on Dec. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If your DH is not on your side. Tell him to bring his mom back to England, and he can stay their with her.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:30 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • To tell the blunt truth, if it is really as bad as you make it sound, I'd take the kids and file for divorce now and not waste any more time.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:38 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • I hate to say it, but I agree with Ballad. It's not even so much about how horrible she is, but about the fact that your husband doesn't do anything about it and doesn't stand up for you. If he loves you, and you are being treated badly and haven't done anything to deserve it, he should be standing up for you. If he can't do that I wouldn't want to be married to him.

    Your home should be your sanctuary. If you don't feel safe and comfortable there, why would you stay. Take your kids, let him pay his own bills and support yourself and your kids.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:43 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • You're not really married. Not if he puts her above you. You merely have a piece of paper claiming that you're married, but TRUE marriage doesn't work this way.

    Tell him he can go home to Mama.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:45 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • Talk very plainly to your husband. He can be a mama's boy, but now that he is married, his first priority is to be his wife's man. He needs to decide, without interference, which woman is more important to him. It isn't that he can't or shouldn't love his mother. She did raise him to be the fine man that you love. (Say that, even if it makes you choke.) But you as his wife need to know that you have his trust and his heart and his full support because you married a partner.

    You need to grow enough of a spine to be the wife who can kindly but firmly stand up to a MIL like this. Don't take her abuse. Call her, again, kindly but firmly, on her lies and nonsense. Set limits and enforce them. Decide what you will do when your limits have been crossed, then do that.

    But remember, she is your husband's mother. Show him respect by doing your best to respect her. It will be hard, but you can do it.
    May-20

    Answer by May-20 at 5:13 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • 6 months!
    ? 6 months really?

    that is not a visit, that is living with

    when you say both psychos... do you mean your husband?
    if so, why are you with him?
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:44 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • Tell him 6 months is too long a visit. She may stay for X# of weeks. Does your hubby not work?
    If he objects then he can choose.

    On the other hand he should be encouraged to see and visit with his mother as long as it is a happy time for everyone.
    You already feel like it is a disaster and so it will be even if she is an angel. Try to ease off a bit too. I hope it is nice for everyone, especially your kids. And then bid her a fond adieu until next time.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 7:21 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • If you want this marriage to work, play it smart and humor the mother in law without bending the rules....even if she is a witch she is the witch mother of the man YOU chose to marry, cut him and her some slack..it will be to your advantage in the end. I agree that 6 months is way too long so compromise with hubby and cut some of that down.

    older

    Answer by older at 7:35 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • Meh, I need more specifics to comment. The other brother hit you and your dh was A-Okay with that one? This is just a world I do not get. Is she there now? I'd set ground rules and if she can't follow them, she can pay the change fee on her tix back to jolly ol' England.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:45 PM on Dec. 9, 2013

  • She is really not that bad.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 8:44 PM on Dec. 10, 2013

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