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Not sure what to do to fix this- or let her sort it out on her own

My youngest is in 6th gr. She has been at the same school since Kindergarten & it goes thru 8th grade. Many of her friends have been her friends since the beginning. But things are changing this year. Many of them are becoming back-stabbing mean girls. It seems like she is running out of friends & it makes me sad for her. She plays softball, but there are no other clubs or sports teams for her at this level. (budget cuts) We can't afford a "Y" membership.

We've talked about how some friendships fade or change over time & that some won't last, thru no fault of her own. She's been taking it in stride, but if she finds out one of her so-called friends recently back-stabbed her way into getting her (my dau) excluded from a recent B-day party, it could really hurt her feelings.

I'd appreciate any suggestions, esp. if you've been thru this. She's just such a sweetie & doesn't deserve to be at the receiving end of this kind of behavior.


Asked by mrsmom110 at 7:17 AM on Dec. 10, 2013 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • It happens. Next week they'll all get pissed at someone else and be best friends again. A call in to one or two of the other moms will help to nip this behavior in the bud.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:27 PM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • Y's generally take members on a sliding scale. See if she can't join in. I know you say you can't afford to but she might not be able to afford not to have something outside of her school. Teens look at themselves through the eyes of their peers. They just do. You can be supportive but she still will assess herself based on how her peers around her think of her. It is important if no positive support comes from peers at her local school then having some type of club, sport, activity with peers her own age be available. Typically outside activities gives the positive peer interactions needed to see themselves in a healthy way. In our local area our library has a tween and teen activities several times a month. You can call the school to see if there are free clubs in the community she might be interested in. Make it a point to start looking and find something to fit into the budget.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • What about Girl Scouts, or Parks and Rec classes or sports, they are usually much cheaper than the Y. You might look into volunteer opportunities for her. Sometimes helping others can help build your confidence and make it easier to deal with things.

    The hard thing is, no matter what you do, being treated this way hurts. There's not much you can do about that.

    Keep being there for her, hopefully these girls will get tired of being mean to her.

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:33 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • mine too young to be going through this
    but neighbor has a 7th grader
    last year this^ was her story
    and this year, she has to limit her phone texting time, as friends are many

    6th grade girls are MEAN
    hope it works itself out
    neighbor tried many things and last year nothing seemed to help
    she did nothing this year and all is friendly- too friendly, taking up homework time

    good luck
    maybe someone here has better advice from experience

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:35 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • I think you should let it work itself out but continue to listen to her and talk to her as needed. My DD9, 4th grade is already going through the same thing with her friends. One day they're friends. The next they're back stabbing and not friends. My DD is very sensitive so it hurts her feelings when one of the girls say something mean to her but she's getting tougher. I think your DD needs to get used to this b/c unfortunately it only gets worse as they getolder. That sounds cold but I think its necessary to become tougher to survive grade/high school today.

    Answer by jenny3344 at 7:46 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • She need to understand when you grow. You grow out of friendships with people. And not everyone likes you. Including your so call firends. Truthfully stay out of it. Let her vent to you if she wants. But do not try to FIX things like this. Let her deal with friendships on her own.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:26 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • I remember the 6th grade, horrible. I say if she just holds her head high and can act like they don't bother her. I know how hard it is. Are you sure you need a Y membership to be on one of the teams? My youngest is on swim team at the Y and we are not members, it costs about $80 for the whole season, plus the cost of some nifty tiny speedos and goggle head wear.
    Tell her this will pass, and the best revenge comes at the 10 year high school reunion, LOL!

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 8:53 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • Both mine are still way too young for this, but I remember those years from my childhood. I'm not sure there's much you can do to fix it. You could put her in all the extracurricular activities you could afford, but she will still have to learn to navigate the "mean girl world." I think I survived by having my nose in a book. Lol It was around that age that I had a big shift in my friendships. I guess just be there for her in what form she might need.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 9:36 AM on Dec. 10, 2013

  • I remember living through this, and God, I dread it with my daughter! Sorry, Mama, it just plain sucks. The swim team saved me from making some really bad choices because of rejection from chronically mean kids. If it can't be sports for your kiddo, maybe band or volunteering at an animal shelter or a boys' and girls' club or a library would do the trick, somewhere that would get her in with a new group of friends pulling together for a common worthy effort. She sounds like a great kid who doesn't deserve to be picked on, but mean girls don't spare anybody. Fortunately, they usually don't stick with one target for too long. Hopefully they'll soon get bored and move on. Hang in there and keep the Kleenex handy! *smile.*

    Answer by Ballad at 12:09 AM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • "Girls" can be very mean.. She must be very beautiful. You should try to let her work this out on her own, but look out for factors' such as- depression, anxiety, or bullying. As a parent it's your job to make sure she is NOT being bullied. So, as long as you feel comfortable, I would let her work this out.

    wishing you the best of luck

    Answer by tsingh at 1:24 AM on Dec. 11, 2013