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CM answers is boring this morning so i have a few Qs...1. Didnt tell exdh....

DS13 got caught for curfew violation a few months ago. He has to do 12 hours community service and take some classes. Hes a good kid. Never been in trouble, good grades, in sports. I've handled everything. I'm paying the fines, taking him to com serv, and classes. I didn't tell exdh, his dad b/c he is mean, verbally abusive and occasionally physically abusive and punishments are outrageous. I set consequences for DS...no sleepovers, restricted activities, no cell phone, extra chores and we've discussed the issue many times. Should I tell exdh/dad and go thru his abuse and punishment or leave things as is?

Answer Question
 
jenny3344

Asked by jenny3344 at 12:26 PM on Dec. 11, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 19 (7,803 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Leave it. Why put your kid through hell? Just make sure to warn the boy not to let it slip to his dad by mistake.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:29 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I'd say leave it be. Like I heard on a movie this weekend... "Some things don't have to be secrets... but they can be private."
    mosleyjackson

    Answer by mosleyjackson at 12:29 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • And just for the record, I know someone is going to come on here and say stuff about honesty between parents and yadda yadda blah blah, which I believe in to the max, until abuse comes into play, and then that shit goes out the window. My dad covered my ass many times with my mom because he knew what she was capable of. He should have stood up to her, but he wouldn't, so the next best thing was he covered for me and worked it out himself because he could discipline reasonably and she was a lunatic. I learned from his punishments. I feared for my safety from hers.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:32 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • you are handling it, let it be
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 12:33 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • As long as you don't think Dad will find out another way, leave it alone. But if Dad could find out from someone else, it might be best to tell him yourself, because if he finds out from someone else, things might be far worse for both you and your son.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:37 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Why do you allow your kid to spend time with an abusive man? If you have proof of this, you know you can ask for supervised visitation, no you shouldn't tell him, and your kid at this age should be home where he belongs.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 2:24 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Leave it. It's done. Move on
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 8:08 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Why would you put your child through abuse? You would be just as guilty of abuse as he is. I would do everything in my power to keep my child from the abuser, father or not.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:21 PM on Dec. 12, 2013

  • Say NOTHING to him. NOTHING. Let your LAWYER do all the talking as he files papers to pull ALL parental rights from this man. Donating sperm does not a parent make; he ceased being a parent the minute he got abusive.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:45 AM on Dec. 13, 2013

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