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My husband and I have been married for 20 years He has a daughter from a previous marriage. 7 months ago she was breaking up again with her boyfriend and that she want to have us be more in her life

3 days after her wedding ceremony to the same boyfriend who she engaged for 5 months she texts our son that she’s now married, that her mom gave her away/walked her down the aisle. It was a beautiful simple country wedding, as seen from her mother’s relatives photos on facebook. Her father was crushed to not to have known/ been invited/ walked her down the aisle. This was one thing he looked forward to as something only he could do for her as a first, seeing as his ex didnt allow us to have any 1st with his daughter growing up. But not to worry dad she wants another big fancy traditional white wedding with reception and gifts that everyone is invited and he can walk her down that one, oh yeah and pay for it as well. Neither families have alot of extra $. To me this feels kinda staged, esp with most of the people attending this will have been at the first one. Am I wrong to feel mad? We live 2 hours away from her.

 
dragonmommy8

Asked by dragonmommy8 at 1:07 PM on Dec. 11, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (68 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I'd tell her that ship has sailed. She chose the wedding, she chose to have her mother walk down the aisle. You don't get to have 40 weddings just so you can having everything covered.
    Brawn

    Answer by Brawn at 1:14 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • ohhhh HELL NO! if she wants to pay for it, sure...but to be snubbed like that and then invited to pay for a new one just so you can actually attend...how rude!
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 1:44 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I sure wouldn't be paying for it.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 1:22 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I'd tell her that you'd be happy to attend,with gift in hand,but you are not paying for this,by any means
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:10 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • If you have money it would be better spent on "gifting" it to her instead of paying for another wedding, there are many parts left out of the story, (we don't know any history of why the ex wife kept your DH away) In my book once you are married, if it is at the Court House, Vegas, or in a church, that is all you get.
    BUT this is your DH's choice not yours, if you have to go into debt over it, then no way, but it is up to him and the only thing YOU should have to say about it is if you have to pay YOUR money, don't rock the boat, let him make up his own mind.
    2kids2dogs2cats

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 3:50 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • DH ex was very bitter after divorce. She wasn't thrilled he married a year after their divorce. As SD was growing up if his ex was in the same room as SD and I she would forbid her from calling me anything except my first name. But she would encourage her dd to call her boyfriends that she was dating "daddy" and her real dad was called "father". I am thinking perhaps his ex had some sway in how things were done. . I have always tried to stay out of the picture as much as possible, to avoid "rockin the boat". They only thing I have wanted was him to treat all of the children the same.
    dragonmommy8

    Comment by dragonmommy8 (original poster) at 4:35 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I'm sorry she'll be disappointed but there's an unspoken rule whereby you only get one marriage per husband. Maybe suggest that you'd be happy to foot the bill when (heh - "if") she renews her vows in 10 years time (if she's still speaking to you, that is).

    Whan an incredibly insensitive thing she did to you both. It can't be easy trying to be the bigger person. good luck.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 3:52 AM on Dec. 12, 2013

  • Oh hell no. Don't pay for anything. She does not get to have a big fancy show. She is already married. I'm sorry he has been hurt like this, but do not give her another wedding. If she wants a big traditional display she and her husband can pay for it.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:08 AM on Dec. 13, 2013

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