First of all friends ARE important so before you go thinking oh my! Just remember you are probably happily married or in a relationship which is why you may see this as nonsense, because it's true when you are in love, it feels as if nothing else matters but the one you are in love with. When you are in love, it is just you two against the world. I now see that this is an unhealthy approach to love. Give every person in your life just as much love and just as much of your time. Then all the sudden when the love of your life rejects you out of nowhere because he is having an emotional affair, you realize that these friends you had are as important as your family, which is why they have always been there for me because even if they haven't been what I have been through, they see my good intentions, even if I don't always make right choices (such as addictions/flings/drugs and alcohol) I am a recovering alcoholic. Good friends want the best for you and they do not have such horrible lives that they try to bring you down.
I don't know what has gotten in to me lately, but I had this huge wave of enlightenment come over me.
It all started with the end of a 6 year romantic relationship..although that was 9 months ago now. I was sober for eight months then relapsed. Now sober for 2 months again. ANYWAY.
Perhaps this is somewhat of a vent, indeed, but I just wanted to ask, have you ever had to completely (and all at once) "clean out" your wardrobe of friends?
This includes males and females, all for different reasons, but now I am only left with one best friend (10 years) and two (1.5 year) gal pals. Anyway although I hope I am doing the right thing, I just needed a place to express my sadness for these losses, because now there is a hole in my heart. Actually lots of holes. Also if anyone could give me insight on how one must go about figuring out who is good for you in your life and who is not..If they yell at you once, forgive and forget, if they yell at you twice move on (I would think this is a good rule of thumb, is that correct?) As much as I love Tina for example..she just has too many issues, therefore abusing me in the process of her anguish. We were friends for seven years. Below are names and reasons, and in parenthesis are how long we've known each other. I do see a pattern which is that they became abusive after about seven years.
James:abusive/ex fling/drug addict (8 months)
Tina:unstable/"I hate you, I love you, Don't leave me" syndrome (7years)
Andy:Good friend until recently found out In love with me, he told me so/became possessive/jealous/wanted more than friendship all the sudden/angry when I rejected sex (7 years)
Jason:Always asks if we can get back together/Or just wants sex?/ex-husband/personalities fit but lack of spiritual connection/nothing to talk about (10 years)
Joaquin:my one true love/6 years together/too insecure,cocky, arrogant, annoying now that I'm not wearing rose colored glasses/lots of spiritual connection/personalities clash (7 years)
Sarah:Devout Catholic, criticized my beliefs/judged everything I did/put downs/thinks she's better than me/conflict of interest/annoying
Feel free to give Constructive Criticism but please do not bash. I have a therapist to help me see why these friendships turned out the way they did (because it's a two way street I am sure)..which is I just started ignoring all of them. They will message, but I block because I deserve to be treated better and I want to change my life completely for the better. I feel so straight edge these days it's boring but right. It is my fault that I sought out people with issues. But when I met them, I was not in a good place myself (abusive/unstable mother..and I was an alcoholic at the young age of 15). Thoughts, questions, stories, words of wisdom, similar experiences, advice, kind words all appreciated.
Have mercy, please, as I have literally just spilled my guts out. Thank you.
Answer by gdiamante at 1:54 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 2:08 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
Answer by americansugar80 at 2:21 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 2:39 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
Answer by QuinnMae at 4:32 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
And by finding people I mean find friends, or even emotional support in that realm. Commit to yourself that you will not have a romantic relationship for a certain period of time and give yourself time to heal and find your path. When you finally find your path, the rest will come naturally.
And I have had to let go of friends and family because they were no good for me. It sucks to feel let down and disappointed / betrayed by people that you cared for. Unfortunately, we learn these things by experience. The key is actually learning and remembering how and why things go wrong.
Answer by QuinnMae at 4:35 PM on Dec. 11, 2013
Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2013