Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Do you put up with abusive family?

Most people I know don't keep mean and abusive friends around, but what about family (like a sister)? Why do I feel like I am doing something against some imaginary family code when I am basically writing my sister off? (believe me I have reasons. many many reasons).

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Dec. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Not anymore,hon
    I had enough of all the BS (you have no idea) and stopped talking to my mom in April
    It was down to me losing my mind. I had to do it

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:38 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • does that effect your relationship with other family members?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • i would not put up with it.

    Answer by christina122952 at 2:41 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Nope, but then of course I don't have anyone in my family like that.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:43 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • It depends on what you mean.
    When my mother was alive I could not be on the phone with her for more that 1/2 hour because she would start up. I found that there was some one at the door, or some one just stopped by or I really had to go to the bathroom. The conversation ended.
    At one point my brother blamed me for his separation from his wife (because I had the audacity to get married and move away) It was not a good time.
    I limited my contact but kept the door open.
    There have been other instances but those are two.
    The choice is yours and how you deal with it.
    However if it is so toxic that you can not say hello to each other, at the minimum I would just put some time and if possible, distance between you.
    I avoid the Always, never and forever words because they tend to come back and haunt you.

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:46 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I literally cannot be around her, due to her stealing, lying, stabbing me in the back, saying extremely hurtful things to me about me and my family, and also trying to talk my kids into lying to me and about me.

    My family , mother in particular, is aware of my sisters behaviors but thinks I am terrible by keeping my sister out of my life and my children life. I don't think I am but I find it ridiculous that now I have to be cautious around a now abusive mother.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:49 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Yeah,they all think i'm terrible,but i couldn't take one day more. If they're not willing to hear the truth in why I did it,screw em.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:52 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I put up with the abusive ones to some extent, yes, so I can see and be around the ones I want to have relationships with. It goes with the job. I have certain boundaries that will not be crossed. I'm not welcome in certain homes and certain people aren't welcome in mine, so we respect that. I won't have hands laid on me physically in any harmful way ever again or be assaulted verbally or in writing without defending myself, so it's pretty much gotten to a point of standoff. Those of us who have nothing left to say to each other say nothing, and the rest of us go about having the relationships we want to have.

    Answer by Ballad at 3:10 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Best thing my husband ever did was cut off his mother. Didn't affect his relationship with other family members, but then there was none to begin with.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:18 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I cut my abusive dad out of my life a long time ago. I don't see my mom much since its hard getting over there when he's not home. Plus every time I do go over all mom talks about is making up with my dad. My dad was the only abuser but my mom allowed it to happen and stayed with him...but I still love my mom. I've wrestled with that one for many years. It does cause some problems with the rest of my family, since they're all still in contact with him and all. It really make holidays and birthdays difficult. Most of the time I will go, but just stay away from my dad.

    Answer by Lobelia at 2:01 AM on Dec. 12, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.