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What would you do about the distance

My boyfriend and I have been through some things since we started dating almost two years ago. The biggest thing is the long distance. We are about 600 miles apart. I want him to move here but he has two kids and he don't want to leave his kids. Which I totally understand. We want to be together but I can't just go move with him. Him and his sister have a place together. His kids live with the mother. We can probably get a place together but it may take a few months after I move up until we get our own place. Would it be smart for me to do that? Be would be the only one working until I get a job there. But we are both tired of the distance and I want is to be close. I just don't want to make a bad choice of going there before I find work and it may take 2 or 3 months before we can get our own. We've known each other since we were teenagers but I moved away so that is why we are in separate states. We reconnected 2 years ago and have been doing the long distance thing

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Dec. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Every choice like this is a gamble bc there are never guarantees that things will work out. But, I'd start looking online at jobs in the area and check the likelihood of gaining employment quickly. Having a job fast would ease a lot of the concerns

    Answer by Nimue930 at 8:23 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Agreed. I am in the legal field so hopefully I can find something fast. I just don't want to solely depend on him. I've never lived with a guy before

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:37 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • I'm in a long distance relationship as well but we are only about 60 miles apart. We only see each other on the weekends. We've been together for 3 yrs. Yes, the distance sucks. The plan is for me to move to him this summer. 60 miles is a lot better than 600.

    Can you start looking for a job before you move?

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 8:39 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Yes 60 is so much better lol. Well I plan to start first thing tomorrow but I was going to go up for the holidays and just stay. Instead of coming back and forth. That's a long drive. Unless I don't go up for the holidays and just search for a job..the only thing is I would need to be up there for the interviews
    And we see each other every month. It's been more of me visiting him in the past 6 months though. So I'm tired of the back and forth. Either I make the move or we call it quits!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:44 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Just make sure you think it through. It's been a difficult decision for me to make and I'm only packing up my life and moving an hour away. I understand where you are coming from. My bf and I have both come to the conclusion that we either move closer or we call it quits. Even my family has told me this :-)

    How long do you see each other now? What do his kids think of you? Why does he live with his sister?

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 9:05 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • His two boys are 7 and soon to be 3. I have a son to be 5 year old. His blood love me and my baby loves him. I will be moving 9 hours away. That's far! I love him so much and I want us to be a family. It's expensive up north so his sister and him pretty much help each other out with bills. His sister have kids though so that's why we would need our own place. It's a tough decision for me because I would be giving up everything here for him. I just want it to work you know?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:17 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • When we reconnected I never thought we would hit it off and actually start dating. Mainly because we were so far but he came to visit a few times and we talked for hours everyday. We just went with it. Now 1 year and 9 months later we are both tired of the distance. I'm praying about it though

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:20 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Oh and I just visited for thanksgiving and I stayed for a week. It was so hard to leave and he didn't want me to go. I remember visiting last year and having fun but wanting to go back home. These past few months I didn't want to leave, it got harder and harder. I say it's about to be a brand new year and if I can't make the big move then I have to tell him. He think I made my mind up but I've still been contemplating. I just don't want him to think I don't want him because that's not the case. I just want to be smart about it

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Do you have a child? If so, does their other parent have anything to say about your move?

    Honestly, I wouldn't move for someone unless I had a commitment.  Moving one of the most stressful things we all go through.  Without having a job, it could take a huge toll on your relationship.  Is there any way for you to send resumes or apply for jobs where he is and try to find something to start there shortly after moving?  That's what I would prefer if it were me.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:25 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

  • Yes I'm going to get my resume out there starting tomorrow
    And I have a little girl. Her father don't mind and I discussed it with him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:31 PM on Dec. 11, 2013

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