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I am having trouble liking my sons girlfriend, and now she's pregnant

They are both 18, and he has changed so much since he's been with her. My son and I used to be so close, and this has been very difficult. He had just gone to university and has had to leave to come back to town to be with her. I just blew up when he told me - I said some horrible things but I have since apologized. I am trying, but everything just feels so mixed up :(

 
indiamom3

Asked by indiamom3 at 11:58 PM on Dec. 14, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I think most people were suggesting that it's important work toward acceptance of your son's choices & decisions, not suggesting you had to (somehow) change your feelings!
    I'm not sure that liking or not is so much a choice (your behavior is a choice.) I do think it's important to acknowledge & accept your feelings as they are, rather than judging them as right or wrong.
    There's a lot of hurt & disappointment in what you shared of your feelings about the relationship/girl & the situation. And feeling grief makes sense.
    It sounds, too, like it's been hard for you to relate to the girl or to feel a connection. If she seems never to make an effort, that can leave you assuming that she "isn't interested" in you all. Sure, it can be hard to like someone in those circumstances, particularly when there's a delightful gf to compare to. And that hurts!
    I encourage you to assume that your son had his reasons for wanting to be with her.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 7:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • It's hard when our grown children pick partners we think are not a good choice for them, but there is not much we can do. My daughter has only had one serious boyfriend, and they are now engaged. I am not thrilled. He has a history of mental health issues. He had anxiety issues, and was hospitalized after an attempted suicide.  He is almost 29, and has yet to decide what he wants to be when he grows up. BUT, my daughter has no idea how I feel, because this is her life, and she gets to make her own mistakes. Also, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with her, and there is nothing better to drive a wedge between you and your children like telling them that you think the person they love is wrong for them. So, be as friendly and as warm as you can force yourself to be. I assume you want to be in your new gradbaby's life, so learn how to act happy about their relationship.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Well, I guess there is nothing you can do about it now. If you really want to be a part of your son's life and/or the baby's, you really need to find a way to live with it all in peace...

    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:10 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • What you need to tell them both individually and together is that you will support thier decision. But you would like them to think long and hard about getting married if that is their plans. Propose alternatives to him leaving his education behind as that is what will aid him in being able to support a family in the future.
    Frankly I do not like my DDIL I treat her well as my son's wife there are times when I see some hope for a better relationship but I do not see it happening. Sometimes the best you can do is to be nice and respect his choice.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:11 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Did you teach him the importance of safe sex? Talk to him openly about always using protection EVEN if she says she is on birth control?
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:13 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • So what has she actually done to make you dislike her? Or do you just hate the fact that your son is growing up?
    kylie_bob

    Answer by kylie_bob at 4:12 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Now you really need to learn to like her since she's pregnant.
    jenny3344

    Answer by jenny3344 at 6:17 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Yeah, I agree w/ those who said you have to try & do what you can to maintain the peace. That is the only way to insure you can still see your son & grandchild. You have to look beyond your disappointments of unmet expectations, & see the bigger picture that keeps your family together. It's hard, but you have to make the best of it. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 6:47 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Like I told my DD's. I do not have to like your SO's. You do. You are the one who has to deal with them all the time.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:57 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Figure out if there is any way he can continue his education for the benefit of everyone.
    silverthreads

    Answer by silverthreads at 10:56 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

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