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My daughter is almost 10 weeks old I have physical placement of her but we have joint custody. He wants to take her to meet his father for Christmas but I feel uncomfortable letting him take her

My whole pregnancy he didn't believe my daughter was his even after she was born he didn't believe me until he got the paternity test. He has only seen her a few times and he doesn't have experience with small children so I am afraid to let him take her without me being present

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Scarednewmama

Asked by Scarednewmama at 11:01 AM on Dec. 15, 2013 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • how far away? If you have joint custody, what are the visitation arrangements? If its his time you don't really get a say so
    luvmygrandgirl

    Answer by luvmygrandgirl at 11:16 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • I'm not sure how far away it is and visitation is whatever we agree upon and I'm thinking if i have full placement then I get to decide who takes her and cares for her but I'm not exactly sure I'm trying to contact child support about getting a copy of the custody agreement they were suppose send me but never did.
    Scarednewmama

    Comment by Scarednewmama (original poster) at 11:23 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • That would be a nope for me. If he was more active in her life and supported you emotionally during the pregnancy and after I might consider it, but he didn't want her and didn't believe she was his until it was proven. There is also no formal custody arrangement, so he can take her and just leave and you have no way of getting her back legally. I wouldn't do it.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:42 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • So you are not sure he can take the kid or not to visit grandpa. On the side of cation, I would tell him NO. Unless he has a copy you can look at.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:45 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Physical placement, from my understand, means you are the parent that she lives with. But you have joint custody, which means you make decisions together, and if visitation is whatever you agree to, then you have to work together. You don't, however, get to decide by yourself who takes her and cares for her - when it's his time with her, he makes those decisions.

    As far as letting him take her - part of your argument is he has no experience with small children. Do you? Is this your first child, too? If so, then this argument has no weight in my opinion, because you are on equal ground there. Now, if he hasn't been a part of her life, that's a valid concern. But you also can't keep denying him forever based on that - because then YOU are the reason he hasn't been a part, and he can then go to court with that. So maybe find a middle ground. Maybe his dad comes to town and then he can have her for the day, in town.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:51 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • How long a visit are we talking about? One night? An afternoon? Several days? How long has he had her for in the past. For me, that would be what would make the difference. I wouldn't Let him take her for the very first time overnight. He needs to take her for a few hours, then maybe longer and then plan on overnights. She's only 10 weeks old, for goodness sake!

    Do you know where she'll be? Do you know who will be there? How far away will she be?

    By the way, if you're breastfeeding it's a lot easier to say "no"... :)
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 11:57 AM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • It would not matter that he has no experience. We all learn at some point. And it is his child. You could start a battle. Not send her. Or you could send her. But unless he was some dangerous stupid ass, in which case why the hell did you sex with him, then she goes. You had sex, this is now the dad, and yes he has say so in his child's life. He is equally the parent. So yeah, kid gets to meet Grampa. Keep her from him and he could sue, and win, for full custody.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • What does the custody agreement say? If he has the right to take her you do not have any say where he takes her withib reasonable distance.

    Depending on the circumstances, unless you were living together and spent all spare time together, he had every right to find out if this was his child.
    How far away?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • If you want him to take an interest you need to stop trying to stop him from seeing her. If she is nursing suggest you ride along and stay in in a separate room in case she needs to eat, You need to file with the court a custody/ visitation arrangement.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:03 PM on Dec. 15, 2013

  • Personally, I'd say no. the baby is so young she doesn't need to be hauled around places by someone who is virtually a stranger. Grandpa can come to her. He's the adult. let him travel. If he can't or doesnt want to, then it can wait until she is older and more adaptable. To me, when my babies were basically newborns, they didn't go anywhere without me unless if was with someome I fully trusted and they would be back in under two hours...
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 2:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2013

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