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There has got to be something I can say or do?

What could I do or say or use as a consequence when my teen won't say anything about what's going on in sports, taking him/her in to school for something special. He just went over to a friends house for 2 hrs after school and said nothing about it. I have told him to ask or at least say something when he needs to go or when something is planned. I understand at this age they are spreading their wings but this is over the edge, I feel. It scares me as he is 15 and a thought that crossed my mind is he will just take off without even saying where he is going (with our car) next year when he gets his license.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:12 AM on Dec. 19, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • uh...he doesn't leave unless you know where he is going / who he will be with

    OR

    he winds up grounded for doing it without telling you

    talk to him about respect and how it scares you to not know where he is or what he's doing and he needs to show some respect for that OR he can sit at home
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • If he does not let you know where he is going then he loses things he likes and earns escort to and from school every day. The rest of time he is grounded to home. Lay down the new rule, why and punishment. Then follow through when he tests you.
    AuntieV

    Answer by AuntieV at 8:20 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • I agree, just because he's 15, doesn't mean he can be inconsiderate and not let you know or ASK if he wants to do something after school. I would say this is the rule......and this is what will happen if you don't follow the rule.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:06 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • Having a license does not automatically give him the right to drive your car. Driving your car should remain a privilege to be earned.
    goldpandora

    Answer by goldpandora at 9:11 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • He doesn't get his license OR the use of your car unless the communication improves. That simple. He does not HAVE to get his license at 16, he's ALLOWED LEGALLY to get it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:26 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • First of all, about driving. Their would be rules. He does not get keys to the care. You keep the extra set. I don't even think he should be allowed to keep his license tell he turns 18.
    If he can drive he can get a job.
    I my house. Just because a kid got a lisence does't mean they are allowed to drive my car.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:45 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • Put a GPS tracker on his phone, just don't tell him. Did you tell your Parents everything you did at his age?
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:16 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • Yes, there is something you can say in response to what happened with the friend. Give him feedback. Address that you told him how you wanted him to handle these situations, and that he didn't. Point out that this is a problem for you & how you want him to proceed next time. Let him know that it's important to you. Keep it as communication, and keep your communication respectful. When doing this, I recommend you don't try to "control" him (through guilt, through chiding, through punishments) but clearly leave the control with him, and let him know what choice you WANT him to make, and why.
    Engage him about whether this feels or seems unreasonable for some reason, and what was going on that time. Be reasonable and understanding, but let him know what you want/expect. Get feedback about it.

    I don't know what you meant by the first parts (saying anything about sports, special events.) Is it communicating about scheduled events?
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:25 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • He is still not 18 so he has to follow your house rules.
    jenny3344

    Answer by jenny3344 at 11:54 AM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • As far as the car, the simple solution is not to allow him to have the keys. In other words keep them with you.
    That a teen doesn't talk to you is not surprising but naturally you should continue to try to keep communication flowing.Certainly there are things you can do to prevent him leaving or to make it unpleasant when he returns after breaking the rule.

    Put up a dry erase board and tell him, at the least to write down: At Marks, until 6

    Ask him how he would feel if something happened to..... and they could not net him. How would he feel to have the entire house empty with no clue of where you were for hours.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:06 PM on Dec. 19, 2013

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