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Husbands bad habit,my concern, he isn't going to quite. How do I accept it??

I have bad habits too, we all do. Some we can break and others we learn to live with Realize it is a hard habit to break...smoking. He gets mad/defensive when I show concern but doing it out of my love, concern and my wanting him to be around a long time and I worry about him. He has smoked long time, smokes more lately, rolls his own cigerettes-he is breathing harder/gets tired more and coughs more. It hasn't bothered me in the past because he didn't smoke so much. He lights one right after another sometimes before the one before is still in the ashtray. It is a health thing but I can't change him in this way. I can't even mention it to him. I know its hard to quite, he isn't going to. I am wrong probably for being upset and need to accept it-I hate what it has done to others I have loved. Do you believe smoking is bad?? How do I voice my concern to him without upsetting him. He works long hours at home, he says it helps calm him.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Dec. 19, 2013 in Health

Answers (7)
  • He knows how you feel so continuing to harp on him about it is only going to make him resentful. He also knows it's bad for him. I think I would just tell him that you're not going to bring it up anymore, that he knows your feelings about it. Then, he may feel less stressed and more likely to make the decision to quit on his own.

    Answer by Brawn at 5:10 PM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • When I stopped smoking . I told my DH he had to smoke  out side. And take a shower if he wanted sex. Not having sex with an ashtray.


    Answer by louise2 at 5:16 PM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • How about getting him a E-cig?
    Tell him that someone said you smelled like smoke, he will or will not do it when he is ready.
    It is hard to give up any habit, but his increase in smoking might have something to do with stress, try to get him to go places that don't allow smoking, and have fun without it?

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 5:54 PM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • There are alot of things that are bad for us. We all do some of it anyway.

    My hubby finally tried and e cig
    I did not ask him to get it or anything else.
    You accept it because it is his decision and not yours.

    Answer by Dardenella at 10:08 PM on Dec. 19, 2013

  • Nagging won't help. Just be glad He's smoking outside.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:49 AM on Dec. 20, 2013

  • I grew up in a house with a daddy I adored....who was/is a smoker. My youngest brother and I both have asthma.

    I knew I could never date a smoker because I couldn't stand the thought of losing someone I loved to cancer. We are in our 50's, and have lost 4 people we love...all in their fities to cancers caused by smoking. I just learned an old friend of mine is dying of cancer...also a heavy smoker.

    I have talked to my dad....and my brothers about their smoking, but try not to say too much because I know it doesn't help. They have to want to do it. My oldest son is 31, he asked for an e cigarette a few years ago, and he is no longer smoking. I can't tell you how thankful I am about that.

    There's nothing you can do until he wants to do it. You may be better off if you stop saying anything until he's ready to quit.

    Sorry mama.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:29 AM on Dec. 20, 2013

  • My Hubby was the same way. We were both smokers for years, and even talking about quitting would start him on a rant. I quit a couple time and during those times we set some boundaries; no smoking in the house or car, he could not get up and leave a conversation to smoke, etc.
    The he got a company car which is non-smoking and I got him ecigs, Didn't tell him to do it just had them there for him. I quit again and he started paying attention to the cost since I was no longer buy cartons with groceries. That's what finally got him to really think about it, the cost. Once he did quit, even the ecigs, we took the money and bought a car so now he has a new car that has never been smoked in.
    No matter what it was still his decision, I just made sure any source he might be willing to try was available.

    Answer by emptynstr at 11:37 AM on Jan. 16, 2014

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