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What do I do?

I have absolutely no one to talk to about this. I have no family, or friends. I figured maybe I can get some kind of thought or advice on cafemom durning this tough time for me.

I am a 22 year old girl with a 3years old son. I left my sons dad because all we did was fight. I met a new guy, and quickly fell for him. We were friends for two months, and it just felt like I've known him forever. The chemistry is amazing! All we do is laugh, and have a great Time. I can honestly say I never met someone like him. He's great with my son too! I never loved my sons dad like I love him. We been together for 2 years now.

He's 32.
When he was 23 he got arrested for possession of weed. Then in 2009 he got into a fight with his ex wife's boyfriend, so he got arrested for family violence for 2 months. That was a felony charge. I looked past all that though. I figured, he's a great guy.... That was all before me. Hopefully he's changed!!

5 months ago he got caught with some friends , and they had Xanax on them. They charged him in two different county's. Felony! They also caught him selling downloaded movies, felony. Right now he's in jail. Don't know when he will be home. Yet!

He writes me letters everyday reassuring me he's a changed man, a man of god, Etc. He promise us a great life, and to make me his wife when he comes home.

This man has a good heart, just makes very stupid choices! sometimes I feel like it's my fault. What would yin ladies do?

My heart is torn!
I come here for advice . Not to be bashed. I just seriously need some genuine Advice. Please.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:17 AM on Dec. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • If you think he's worth it, you can give him a period of time to prove he's a changed man. That means absolutely no sex with him--you dare not risk making a child with a man who has this many weaknesses. If he really cares for you, he may be inspired to make permanent changes. You have to know that he has major character deficits, and those take years to alter. If you are willing to invest your life in this man and the remote possibility he will get his life turned around, then you should do it. Otherwise, now is a really good time to end this relationship.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:30 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • I think NannyB.'s read too many romance novels. Men do not change for a woman, not like that.

    I'm not saying he can't or won't change, but do not expect him to do it for you. If he does it, it will be because he wants to. And to be honest, he was arrested at 23, then at 30, and now again at 32? That doesn't sound like a man who wants to change. You're looking at a man with felony charges now, felony CONVICTIONS if found guilty, and those will make a difference to life with him. He is likely to find it harder to find work, people will treat him differently if/when they find out, and depending on the kind of guy he is, he may prefer to continue down the criminal path than to try to change.

    Personally, with all that, I wouldn't waste a ton of time on him. Give him some time to see if he really makes an effort to change, but I'd be moving on to someone more law abiding.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:54 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • Some can change and some can't. My DF has 4 felonies from a long time ago....fraudulent schemes, forgery, aggravated identy theft, possession of a dangerous drug. He used to do drugs and did bad things. I've known him a long time now and over the years I've seen him change into a descent law abiding citizen. At first I kept him at arms length and gradually got closer to him. I recommend taking your time getting too close b/c time will tell you if he can change. He will tell you he's changed but don't believe him. Let him show you. They all find God in prison and make a lot of promises. Don't believe that either. They have a lot of spare time in prison to think of who they want to be when they get out and all the great things they want to do. But only time will tell you if he will be that person when he's out. They have time to write many letters and love getting mail so don't think he's writing often b/c he loves you.Goodluck

    Answer by jenny3344 at 7:17 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • I would drop him. At 32 he can't stay out of trouble. Time to move on.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:25 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • At 32 he should know better.
    Lose the loser.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 7:41 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • I know the temptation to be with him and your positive outlook is swaying your good is really hard to change someone who is addicted to making easy $ or to drugs......everyone deserves a second chance, but be very careful for he has a tendency for trouble.

    Answer by older at 8:03 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • I think he had a second chance, and a 3rd chance and he blew it. I personally wouldn't want to be with him - what other poor choices will he make?

    Answer by missanc at 8:43 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • ^^^ I agree with missanc. Besides, think about what kind of example you want for your son. Not to mention your son's father could use this against you when it comes to custody issues in the future. Personally, I don't think it's worth it. Plus, as wendy said, he will have a hard time supporting himself, let alone a family w/ so many felonies on his record. Time to find another nice guy w/out a criminal record. They're out there. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:00 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • He hasn't learned his lesson, and the last thing you need is to be involved in any of his scams. I think you should work on socializing with moms close to your own age. Part of the reason you feel so consumed by him is that you have nobody else to talk, and do things with. Please stop communicating with him, he is not as good as he seems to be.

    Answer by 2kids2dogs2cats at 9:01 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

  • NONONONONONO! Don't stay with this guy!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:19 AM on Dec. 24, 2013

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