DH has enlisted and leaves for Army basic in 5 days. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I haven't had insurance since 1/11, and have not been able to afford a doctor. I'm not trying to claim it, or open doors for it, but I have been struggling off a serious depressio since having my second (and last) DS.
I am a SAHM. Not by choice, only that with no degree, I can't afford daycare here.
I feel terrible. I am not a baby person. At all. My kids drive me absolutely insane some days. I love them, don't get me wrong. I would never give them back or turn back time, but I just dont know what to do with them anymore. They fight all the time. They do things to deliberately disobey the rules. I am well aware that's part of having children, but I have all but lost the joy in just being their mother. I want to miss my kids when I'm away. I want to be excited to pick DS4 up from pre-k instead of have to wrestle DS3 into the car, kicking and screaming he doesn't want to go. I want to be able to take them to the park without them brawling. I want them to be able to take a bath without a gallon of water spilling on the floor.
I have tried time outs. I have tried coddling. I have tried redirection, I have tried! I have 15 different parenting books! The only thing it has done is block my DS3 from having any currency. There is nothing I can do for/to him to encourage/make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Ds4 is now showing OCD tendencies! My DH is leaving, my 1800sq ft house was condensed to a 900sq ft house due to finances, everything in my house is destroyed. It is a mess, and all I want to do is sleep. I just want a whole night's sleep where I don't have to worry whether I will wake in the morning to find my boys in the back yard at 7am, or decide 3 meals a day for everyone. I just want someone else to take over for me so I can get my shit together! I can't afford a babysitter, my inlaws are (quite literally) worthless, and I have no close friends here I could count on that wouldn't spin around and discuss my business with someone else we know.
I was supposed to get to spend the day with DH last Saturday. Ds3 got sick, so we didn't get to. I understand stuff like that happens. But it'd be so nice to afford for him to take a day off work and just spend some QT. I don't know who he is, who I am, or where we're going as a family anymore. I have lost everything within me that was recognizable. I realize after 3-4 days that I haven't even bothered to look in the mirror. Maybe because I'm afraid to find the water on the bathroom floor I missed...
Today, I woke up excited to get to bake cookies with my boys. One discussion after another discipline, after kicking one away from the table because he wouldn't stop playing in his food, the wet floor, fighting them to stand still for a haircut, fighting them to shower, another water mess, the tub clogging up, cracking my head on the towel cabinet... We skipped lunch and went straight for a nap. 40 minutes later, we're all just laying here. I can hear the boys talking in the other room still. Nothing seems to be going right, and I can't just sit down and cry about it.
Girls, I desperately need some words of encouragement. I don't know how I'm going to do this all alone after he leaves!
Answer by louise2 at 4:04 PM on Dec. 24, 2013
Answer by Nimue930 at 4:19 PM on Dec. 24, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 4:59 PM on Dec. 24, 2013
Answer by anime_mom619 at 7:39 PM on Dec. 24, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 12:01 AM on Dec. 25, 2013
Answer by Dardenella at 12:08 AM on Dec. 25, 2013