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My good friend...

My good friend is a single mom. All of her past relationships have been abusive including her two children's two fathers. (Two different men) She just recently left her youngest's father A man who has several felonies animal mutilation charges and child abuse on his record (just to name a few). Because she didnt know what she was doing in court he got partial custody. (I should mention that her youngest is 18mos and her oldest is 6 years old the youngest is extremely needy and the oldest has brain damage and is more at the level of a two year old.) In the car we were talking about the hearing and I casually said to the oldest "amy do you like patrick (her ex)." All of a sudden the child started whimpering and crying rocking back and forth and covering herself. I said "amy whats wrong,....do you not like patrick because he hurt you?" she said yes I asked if he hit her, she said no, I asked if he touched her she said yes

 
NightOwlMama

Asked by NightOwlMama at 6:37 AM on Feb. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Level 12 (719 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I agree with the video idea in a place that she feels comfortable. But I would also contact a police officer and talk to them. Maybe take her to the hospital for a physical evaluation. This woman needs an attorney. A lot of them will feel sorry for her and give her a break with the costs. But she needs to do something or she is just as guilty for not stopping this. Court order or not, that man wouldn't be near my children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I said can you tell me where he hurt you and she pointed to her vagina. This was asked several times in different ways and amy answered the same each time. Needless to say we called cps, but they interviewed amy and since she wouldnt talk they said there was nothing they can do. Amy is terrified of men, she doesnt speak to people she doesnt know and somedays she doesnt speak at all. Her vocabulary is limited but she does comprehend things. She understood what we were saying. CPS only interviewed her once and they made it clear to me that they thought I was making it up to help my friends case. But they made no allowances for amys disabilty. The guy now gets to see his youngest alone and because of that also gets to be around amy. The other day he told her she looked like a "little whore". Cps had been called before because amys headstart teacher suspected sexual abuse but nothing was done. What can I do?
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 6:43 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I'm curious, what does the mother think? If I was the mother I'd be taking that SOB back to court!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • she can have a rape kit done. they will check for bruising and tears. if there is any trauma old or new then they have the evidence to put him in jail. she doesn't understad what's happening and she might never understand but someone needs to stand up and protect her. if she wont talk to cps how bout asking her the questions and recording it with a video. even do it in an interiew room at a cop station and they can see rom behind the mirrior hope this help
    CubanFIre

    Answer by CubanFIre at 8:08 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • If you explained it to CPS like you did on here, I can see why they thought you were just trying to help your friends case. You'd never say "Do you not like him because he hurt/s you?" That's feeding them the answers. More often than not you can use different tones and the child will say what they think you want to hear. Court shouldn't have been discussed in front of those kids anyway. If Amy understood you well enough to answer those questions then she understood what you were talking about with court.
    Having said that, I'd take her to a dr to see if there's any anal, vaginal or throat/mouth problems that her father could've done to her if for no other reason than my own peace of mind.
    I hope if he did do something to her or any other child that he's caught and spends the rest of his life in prison so he can never hurt another child.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:00 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • Get the mom to take her to a female therepist. It may take a few visits, but find one that has had experience with children like this. I wonder, how much of her disabilites came AFTER her mom got involved with this man.
    Now, if this happened to MY daughter, I'd lose it. I just don't know that I would go through the legal system. No man could EVER pay enough through the legal system. This little girl may be mentally disabled, but she knows damn well what happended. Girls that aren't MD have extreme difficulty getting through rape/molestation. Now imagine how hard for a girl like her.
    I also agree with her getting a break on legal fees. My aunt had a divorce attorney that worked pro-bono. She could contact an organization that works with rape victims. She has many avenues she can take.
    Buffie95

    Answer by Buffie95 at 10:10 AM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I agree with you about the mother should be doing more, the problem is she doesnt know what to do. But your assesments of this little girl's mental capacity are wrong. She wouldnt understand about the court case. She knows four words "Yes, No, I dided it, and the abc song which she usually misses half the letters or gets them mixed up." She can understand nearly everything you say but only if you say it in very simple specific terms. "Amy do you feel okay?" would be confusing, "Amy does your tummy hurt" would not. I dont see how my question was leading. I merely asked it in a way she could understand. I didnt ask "he touched you didnt he?" Could you suggest a different way to ask it lisa? Also I should mention ladies that this guy hasnt been alone with her since november of this year so a rape kit would serve no purpose except to traumatize her further.
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 5:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2009

  • I agree with Buffie about getting Amy to a female therapist. Especially one who specializes in abuse cases. They will have her play games, or other toys, draw pictures, etc. and talk to them about things while they are "playing". This way the kids can be discuss the problems in a safe manner, and the therapist can see how their mood changes with different topics.
    indigostone

    Answer by indigostone at 3:11 PM on Feb. 21, 2009

  • Nightowl that is terrible that your friend and her children are going through a situation like this. I agree with the other posters in finding a female therpist and taking a few sessions to help Amy feel more comfortable. Hugs to you
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:52 AM on Feb. 22, 2009