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UUUggghh My mom is crazy i feel bad for my kids and her (sorry kind of long)

Long story ill try to make it short. A little history my mom is crazy ( no really she is she has borderline personality disorder). Growing up with her was hard ( I only lived with her a few years of my life) Now that im an adult I can handle it a lot better. She usually ok around me yea she says some off the walls things. But today man she blew it! She does this stuff with my 1/2 sis n bro all the time. She came down to visit (lives 2 hours away) I told her stay the night we'll take the kids to the movies hang out. She came all happy go lucky playing with the baby the girls were showing her all the stuff they got for X-mas. We all got in the car buckled ready to go, I go in to get the baby bag turn around shes all pissed getting out of the car was like I cant do this im leaving, I like WTH what do u mean shes like I have stuff to do I gotta go . I told her no stay whats wrong she goes let me get my shit . I go to my kids (8&6) asked what happen. My oldest said the lil one told gma that we went to nana n papa to open presents on xmas ( my in laws). My mom throws a bunch of money at me says sorry im fucking poor here. I put it in her car she through it back at me and sped off. I get my kids outs of the car who are now crying trying to figure out whats wrong. I told them im sorry its not their fault they didn't do anything wrong and I was sorry. I made them lunch called my mom to tell her wth y she acting that way. it went back n forth on how I was the bad person I don't appreciate anything shes done shes done everything she can for me blah blah im a bad person its my fault, after her hanging up like 3 times I calmed down told her u know what I don't want to do this but im sorry if u cant change ur attitude calm down and come back I don't want u around my kids acting irrational like that. Then she leaves me a voice mail saying she was sitting in a parking lot now she going home cuz what I just told her . She called me a hour later to tell me she was upset cuz I don't include her on holidays or kids bdays. I never go up there to see her . 1. I cant drive my self with 3 lil kids 2 hours her house isn't very kid friendly either 2. my in laws live down the street of corse we see them a lot. Then she called again to say sorry but her feeling were hurt and "I know how she is she just needed to cool off" I told her y couldn't u be an adult and leave or go inside y u make a big crazy scene in front of my kids. My hubby is pissed was like shes 86ed for a while. I agree I don't want her around my kids knowing shell blow like that she just completely snapped . I don't want to put my kids into that. My oldest told me a few mins ago she was still sad about what happened . I feel bad the only reason ive even kept a some what close relationship with my mother was for my kids but also for her im the only one with kids. And I see the relationship my kids other grandparents have with my kids and I want that for my mom too but like I said I have to protect them emotionally too. Any thoughts ? How long should I wait to see her again. It just sucks the kids ask about her what do I tell them no we rnt going to see her cuz shes crazy .. haha I don't know

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Cherriemama831

Asked by Cherriemama831 at 11:36 PM on Dec. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,601 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • After she was calm and stopped blaming me for her being upset I told her. U know im not a mind reader if it really bothered u I wish u would of told me ...
    Cherriemama831

    Comment by Cherriemama831 (original poster) at 11:37 PM on Dec. 28, 2013

  • You don't see her till she's under the care of a psychiatrist and on meds to keep her under control. DO NOT SEE HER. For the safety of your children.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:40 PM on Dec. 28, 2013

  • People with BPD refuse to believe that its them they blame others so I doubt she will ever seek medical help and if she see a psychiatrist she "lies" about things. Shes never physically freaked out (around me or my kids). Its more like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum. Yelling crying blaming . Its actually really sad . :(
    Cherriemama831

    Comment by Cherriemama831 (original poster) at 11:46 PM on Dec. 28, 2013

  • I'd be afraid that it would get worse than a tantrum. And a long as you're willing to keep seeing her when she won't get help, you'll continue to run the risk.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:48 PM on Dec. 28, 2013

  • I'm sorry you and your kids had to go through that. My mom isn't crazy in the same way, I mean, like liable to go off and snap into a psychotic episode. But she's someone I won't have around my daughter for my daughter's sake. My daughter has gotten old enough to be curious and ask about her, and I jus say she's shown me in the past that she doesn't know how to be nice, so I don't want her around me or my family. Maybe if your mom gets her borderline personality under control, like with therapy or medications or both, you might rethink your position, but right now I'd keep her away from your girls. If you want to subject yourself to her presence, that's one thing, but not your kids. I'd even think twice about putting yourself through it, but that's your choice.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 11:49 PM on Dec. 28, 2013

  • As someone who has lived and worked around several bpd people, I can tell you that your post was a huge contradiction. You state right off that she is bpd then you apply normal expectations to her behavior. You know it isn't going to happen!!! It sucks and I'm very sorry butyyour primary focus is the safety and emotional stability of your kids.Limit interaction with her and when she blows up stop the communicating at that point. No more drama phone calls back and forth. You are placing expectations on both of you that just won't happen
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 12:09 AM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • Nimue930 what do u mean by i was being contradicting? I know i should of just let her leave without saying anything im sure she would of called and most likely came back. But i was very upset that she was cussing and haveing "a fit". And after our back n forth on the phone i calmly called her back and told her how i felt she ranted on how it was my fault and it didnt matter no one cared about her .. so on .. I left it alone and like i knew she would she called . Im still very surprised she called shortly after to apologizes. Like i told my hubby it hurts my feeling (he says it shouldnt i know she "crazy" shes been like that my whole life). I wish he would understand but i know he cant relate. But i makes me sad to think i cant have contact with my own mother or keep her away from being a gparent. I know its  best for my kids and proabbly my self.

    Cherriemama831

    Comment by Cherriemama831 (original poster) at 12:52 AM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • What nim is saying is that you know that she has a disorder and you know she is not being treated. Yet you expect normal behavior from her and this is just not possible.
    Let's say you have some one who stutters. You ask them to do the reading at your wedding and it take double the time to get through it. You and your husband get irritated at her because she "spoiled the wedding" by stuttering through the reading. You know up front that it will not be a smooth reading but you expect it to be perfect. It is a contradiction.

    My advice is that you communicate by phone or skype for a while and encourage her to get some help to make HER quality of life better. Tell her the you are worried about HER getting so upset and you know HER blood pressure has to be rising and it scares you, on her behalf. Accept that she will NEVER have ther relationship with your children that you in laws have because she is not capable of it,
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:35 AM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • As soon as a call turns ugly tell her you have to go now and that you love her and disconnect.
    If the calls go well for a while put you kids on speaker phone and cut off if it turns ugly.
    It is two hours away. Perhaps you, by yourself can go and see her and of course you will leave as soon as she can not handle it.

    If and only if she has consistently held it together and is on medication (and hopefully therapy) you can consider letting her have contact with the grand children.

    She comes and you are bustling out the door is too high of a stresser. Have the children sitting and playing quietly and if it were me I would bring them in one at a time to see her. As it goes well have the one sitting and playing quietly and bring in the other child etc. A slow increase of activity is less stress for her to deal with that an immediate bombardment that most grandparents rather enjoy.
    GL
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:42 AM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • Was she diagnosed with any thing(your mom). Or you just say she is crazy?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:16 AM on Dec. 29, 2013

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