Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you gained a step-parent as an adult

How do you refer to them when speaking to others? What do you call them when speaking directly to them?

My own bio-dad, ass that he was, died a week before I turned 16 leaving my mother a young widow. She met the man I now refer to as dad when speaking to others about 4-5 years later, and they married when I was 22. I call him by name to his face, but for all intents and purposes... he's my dad. I joke with her now that she must have been fooling around on the side because we have a lot of similarities personality-wise.

I became a young widow myself when my husband died when he was 30, I was 25. I'm still single at 33, almost 34, so it's starting to look like if I ever do remarry it won't be til my kids are grown, or close to grown, but as it stands they're still likely to be beyond the age to ever call another man Dad. They're currently 9 and 12 and I have no desire to date, so it wouldn't be for years anyway.

Answer Question
 
Ginger0104

Asked by Ginger0104 at 1:39 PM on Dec. 29, 2013 in Relationships

Level 42 (144,791 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • well, my dad died when I was 27 and when my mom found someone else and married him I was in my later 30's. I call him by his name. He is in NO way "dad" to me.
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 1:47 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • I was older when my mother remarried- about 36. So we joke that he is not my "step-dad", he is my "mother's husband". He had no parts in raising me, etc. So he's just John. Mom and John, my son says Gram and John.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:56 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My parents divorced when I was 23, and remarried when I was in my early 30's. I called them both by their first names to their face, and I say my mom's husband when I'm just talking about him. My dad is divorced again, but same thing.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:06 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My kids were little, and they do call him grandpa.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:07 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My Husbands Dad died when we were 29 & his Mom remarried soon after. We call him by his first name & he is not considered a step Dad at all. Not being mean at all, that's just the way it is.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 2:07 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My husband's mother died almost a year before we married. Three months before we married, his father remarried. She is not his step-mother. We both refer to her by her first name. When I have to identify her to someone who doesn't need to know the details of the drama of the family, I refer to her as my step-mother-in-law, though I don't see her as such. The children call her grandma, though, and view her as such. They have never known either one of our mothers, so this is okay with us.
    May-20

    Answer by May-20 at 2:35 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • I was a young adult when my parents divorced. Mom never remarried. Dad remarried twice. Met my current step mom once. Before they married. If I ever did meet her again I would call her by her first name. I do not refer to her as anything but my dad's wife. I don't think she is to much older then me.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:37 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My parents divorced when I was 18. Dad remarried 4 yrs. later & my mom got remarried the year after my wedding. I call both my step-parents by their 1st names & refer to them as my SM or SD. My husb. has been in my boys' lives since they were little, but they still call him by his 1st name. They had their dad until about 4 yrs. ago. I don't think the label is as important as the relationship itself.

    Also, I would like to make a suggestion, that I hope isn't overstepping. I just wanted to say I hope your boys can benefit from a close male bond w/ your SD or an uncle, to help fill that void. You'll know when you're ready to fill yours. *hugs*
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:08 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • My dad remarried in my late teens, early 20s. I just call her by her name. I've never thought of her as my stepmom, just my dad's wife. My mom has never remarried. She has a steady boyfriend who lives with her, and I call him by his last name.
    mommy_jules

    Answer by mommy_jules at 4:44 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • I became a stepmom when my boyfriend's kids were twelve and sixteen. Till recently, both of them have always called me by my first name, which is fine with me. My stepson has recently started calling me Mom, by his own choice. My daughter calls my sstepkids' mom, my boyfriend's ex wife, by her first name, also. I don't know my boyfriend's parents well, but Ive always called them by their first names, and he has addressed my parents by their first names. My daughter has called them all Grandma and Grandpa. My stepson has called is original grandparents Grandma and Grandpa, but he has referred to my parent by their first names only.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 5:56 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.