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He'd rather sleep then spend time together after kids go to bed

My bf has a week off of work and today is the one day I asked him to stay up with me after the kids go to bed. He doesn't work tomorrow, AND had a 2 hour nap earlier. He just keeps saying he's bored and there's nothing else to do but sleep. Every time we watch a movie together he falls asleep so that idea is out. I just thought it would be nice to have some company for once since I'm always the one up late by myself. But no, hes already sleeping. Is that really so much to ask? Probably not even worth the fight but it bugged me

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Dec. 29, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Are you naked?

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 10:22 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • when does he normally go to bed?

    I go around 10 and have to FIGHT to stay awake after that- regardless of if I napped, or have to get up at 5 or not

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 10:24 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • Maybe he's tired or depressed. How long have you been together? Sounds like he's burned out on the relationship.

    Answer by jenny3344 at 10:47 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • I'm guessing having in depth conversations are not something you usually do.
    How does he regard you? Does he see you as a friend? An equal?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:58 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • Sometimes I'd rather sleep because "spend time together" automatically means "have sex" to my boyfriend, and I'm not in the mood as often as he is. Could that be the issue?

    Answer by Ballad at 11:59 PM on Dec. 29, 2013

  • Sleeping all the time can be a sign of depression - maybe suggest he gets checked out.

    Also, it may be time that you started doing date nights and reconnect as a couple. Get a sitter and go out and do something different! Go skating! Swimming! Dancing! Go to the movies! Go for dinner! Heck, even just go for a stroll round the park and eat hotdogs by the lake!

    It's time to change your routine!

    Answer by goldpandora at 4:35 AM on Dec. 30, 2013

  • I'm with PGA on this one. You should've had this conversation while naked. Bet he'd be "up" for that. ;p

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:50 AM on Dec. 30, 2013

  • Snuggle up and go to sleep too!

    Answer by AdensMama0308 at 4:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2013

  • Is he possibly trying to avoid unpleasant conversations?

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:05 AM on Dec. 31, 2013

  • It's hard to feel disappointed. Sounds like you feel hurt & disappointed.

    The fact that he repeated that he's bored & that there's nothing else to do but sleep raises the possibility that he feels some awkwardness or avoidance around being together. It could be as simple as feeling fearful that you have some sort of "expectation" and just not wanting to go there, and risk disappointing you in some way. (Of course, you DID get disappointed so he didn't manage to avoid that! But he DID manage to avoid actively failing to deliver, or being "a disappointment" in who he is, and to avoid feeling on the spot or uncomfortable.) It sounds cliche but intimacy (even SIMPLE intimacy, just being together in a way that deviates from the usual routine) can be intimidating to a person.

    Members of a couple can come to rely on the stable "triangle" that gets formed when the bulk of their time together involves focus on the kids.

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:25 PM on Dec. 31, 2013

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